My Song of Today

Worlds Apart

2011-12-04T00:29:00.000-08:00

I've been playing around on Playlist.com As a whole I mostly listen to classical music (including various soundtracks from movies, video games, etc.), Gregorian chant, and hymns, but I have a few other favorite songs from my "contemporary Christian music"- some I listen to more frequently, like Rich Mullins, and others not so much, like Jars of Clay, who I haven't heard until tonight for years (except when my talented husband plays it). But I was listening to their song "Worlds Apart" and it just struck something in me:

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high
And like Icharis I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of One who loved
More deeply then the ocean, more abundant then the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow....

....(To love You) Take my world apart
(To need You) I am on my knees
(To love You) Take my world apart
(To need You) Broke and on my knees

Said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
Takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did You really have to die for me?
All I am for all You are 'cause what I need and what I believe
Are worlds apart...

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need You now,
I owe You more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart
_____________________

All I am for all You are, my Jesus.

Advent and Christmas shopping- Christian books and more!

2011-11-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted for a while because we're expecting #7! And when I'm in my first- early second trimester the computer feels like riding a roller-coaster. And we found out recently that after 4 boys in a row, God is blessing us with a girl!

I saw a few great shopping specials that I wanted to let people know about:

Angelus Press: As of November 28th, they are offering free shipping. (Thanks to "A Catholic Life" for this info!). They've got great books (I highly recommend "Joy in Suffering" by Rose Hu, "The Life of Gabrielle Lefebrve" for all mothers, and "A Modern Martyr" on St. Theophane Venard- just some of my many favorites!), audio books, and a gorgeous calender (Mysteries of the Rosary this year)

Vision Forum: This is a great site for Christian books about the family, and they have great homeschooling resources, particularly in the area of creation science. They've also got some cool toys for young boys and girls. Want a zip line or for your boys to learn how to sword fight, or want to buy an authentic tea set for your girls? They've got it.

Little Flowers Family Apostolate: Their shipping is slower, and you might want to call to make sure it will get there before Christmas, but they have a lot of unique items no one else has. The book "Immodesty, Satan's Virtue" is a great book not only on the topic of modest dress but on Catholic womanhood. They have Catholic board games, unbreakable statues of Jesus and Mary for babies, and beeswax candles among other many items. Ran by a homeschooling Catholic family.

Effectively tainted by feminism

2011-08-30T01:48:00.001-07:00

A great read!

Effectively tainted by feminism, but recovering.

Inspiring story on Primetime

2011-08-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

The Bates are good friends of the Duggars, and Nightline just did an hour special on them, since to my knowledge, they are now tied with the Duggar family for "America's largest family". Please watch it and support it, especially in the comments.

I have read some very nasty comments on a traditional Catholic website on the Duggars, twisting their beliefs on spanking and on other issues, but I actually think many traditional Catholics could learn a lot from them. We have, and not just in the practicalities of "how to do it" with a large homeschooling family. After all, if you think about it, they're just living out our faith! I especially admire their evident joy in the children, and the witness they are in homeschooling and modesty. It has challenged me many times: if they, based on their personal interpretation of Scripture, are willing to turn their lives over to Christ in this fashion, why aren't more Catholics? We have the authoritative interpretation of Scripture, Church teaching, the lives of the saints, the examples of so many families. Where they either have to home-church or are usually alone in their churches, we have a Church that takes an authoritative stance against birth control. How many Catholics, even among traditional Catholics, refuse to dress modestly, have a negative attitude towards their children, and how many would welcome a 19th child? The Catholic families who I know who are like that are an inspiration, and I hope to become a little more like that some day. Our family of six children gets stares everywhere we go- I can't imagine 18!

(My biggest warning is you can see the error of Calvinism in the comments on government assistance- "we do X so God gives us Y, and if you would simply do X, you'd have Y too", but that's common among conservative Americans of any stripe, unfortunately

Anyways, here's the link: http://www.hulu.com/watch/271402/abc-primetime-nightline-my-extraordinary-family-bates-18-kids-?review_id=517030&reviews=1

Japanese relief efforts

2011-06-25T21:04:00.001-07:00

The SSPX has set up their relief efforts in Japan. You can read about it here: http://www.sspxasia.com/Japan_Appeal_2011.pdf

It was put up a while ago, but I have been recovering from major surgery and thus haven't been online much.

If anyone knows of any other traditional Catholic relief organizations for the recent disasters- Japan, the US tornadoes, etc. please post them in the Comments section. Thanks!

Beatification of John Paul II?

2011-04-19T15:08:00.001-07:00

I had hoped this idea was something that would go away. Unfortunately, I thought wrong. I encourage everyone to email the Remnant and add your name to this petition: http://www.remnantnewspaper.com/2011-0331-statement-of-reservations-beatification.htm

A personal note: I became a Catholic under John Paul II. By the time I discovered that he denied Scriptural inerrancy, believed in evolution, taught the Jews did not need to convert to Christ and had a valid covenant of their own, taught that Protestants and Eastern Orthodox only should convert to the Church because it had the "fullness of the truth", not because it was necessary for salvation , the scandals of Assisi, the scandal of kissing the Koran, his continued retention of Cardinals and Archbishops that openly preached heresy (Cardinal Mahoney, anyone?), promoted feminism and working motherhood, denied the Church's traditional teaching on marriage (that a woman is to submit to her husband) and preached an idea very close to universal salvation-among many other things I could write I had been attending Mass for 3 months and was in love with the Blessed Eucharist and the Blessed Mother. I had managed to find info that just "went over the basics" of being Catholic such as the Eucharist, what papal infallibility was and wasn', (of course, this was highly confused by my time in the NO where they insisted that every news statement by the Holy Father post VII was infallible and nothing short of ex cathedra pre VII was infallible and even those could usually be twisted to favor the current pontificate, devotion to Mary, etc and so had felt I was safe converting and that it was the one true Church of Christ and that it was the truly Scriptural church. Had I found this out in my searches before I attended Mass, I probably would have never set foot inside a Catholic Church. 2 years later my DH and I were about to leave over these issues when I discovered Traditional Catholicism. It wasn't the Mass at first, although as we learned more about the liturgy and what the Mass was supposed to be we became more and more uncomfortable with the Novus Ordo- it was first and primarily, and STILL IS, the doctrine. Not the "Mass of our preference", but the Mass because it worships God in a fitting manner and a manner that expressed the Traditional doctrine of the Church.

Christian Manhood

2011-04-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

For husbands who are looking for more info on leading their family, wives who want to know about what a true Catholic patriarch is or who are looking to learn and/or defend what the true teaching of the Church is on this issue, I highly recommend this book:

The Three Marks of Manhood

and a new website with a private forum for Catholic men: http://www.christianmanhood.org/

Most of us have never seen a man lead his home. We get scared off by the term "patriarchy" which feminists have put such a nasty spin to. We have struggled for years trying to figure out how an authentic Catholic home looks like- this book not only tells you the ideal but how to do it! A must read for any man (or woman). Great Lenten reading. It has truly changed our home.

I am blessed to know the family personally and can only say that they live what they preach in a beautiful, Christ-honoring manner.

Dangers of Facebook

2011-04-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

Here are some excellent articles on Facebook for people to consider. I've been on Facebook, and found that not only can it quickly become an enormous time zapper (which yes, is true with anything else) but that it created what I called "high school reunion syndrome". I've actually disconnected- long before I removed my badge from my blog. ;) Just something to make you think.

http://sspx.org/pastors_corner/pastors_corner_march_2011.htm#facebook_effect
http://www.challies.com/christian-living/facebook-makes-us-miserable
http://www.nicholaswilson.me.uk/2011/03/things-i-hate-about-facebook

More Henry pictures and Henry's birth story!

2010-11-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post some more pictures of Henry, and I also wanted to post the story of Henry's birth and NICU stay. I figured the best way to do the latter was to post the letter my husband wrote to the SSPX about it. I also want to do this to first, give thanks to God for what He did for our family and second, to encourage devotion to the Archbishop and prayers for the success of his cause of canonization.

Henry a few hours after we said the prayer to Archbishop Lefebrve. They had cut his oxygen, CPAP force, etc, in half but had not removed the tube, so it gives you an idea of all the stuff he had. He had also improved enough to where I could hold him for the first time since a few hours after his birth. This was 10/3, a few hours before his baptism.

Henry the very next day, after the removal of the CPAP, chest tube, IV, etc. He even had his oral-gastric tube moved to his nose so he could nurse better.

This is Henry in his baptismal gown at 4 weeks. I got him back in it when I saw the pics of him in the gown that I took the day that we did the rest of the baptismal ceremonies, 10/15, didn't come out.

Phillip, Xavier, Gianna, Henry, Asher and Kieran 10/15, day of the baptismal ceremonies.

To whom it may concern.

I am writing to tell you of the miracle that my family received through the intercession of His Grace Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre. My name is Rocky______. My wife’s name is Sara ___
____. We attend the St. X chapel in Oregon and have since 1/25/2004, about two years after our conversion to Catholicism. We have six children ranging from 9 to newborn. It is the newborn we are writing about.

On September 30, 2010 my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Henry Louis, by Cesarean Section. The C Section was due to an unstable lie. This means he was not engaged in the pelvis nor would he remain head down; most of the last few weeks he was sideways in the uterus. He had been head down but wouldn’t stay that way, so turning him was pointless, and it was unsafe to induce since he was so far above the pelvis. We agreed the safest thing to do was a c-section. The procedure went as planned, and for the next 45 minutes it seemed as though we had a perfectly normal healthy, bright pink, screaming little boy. However, soon after things began to turn. One of the nurses noticed that he had slight retractions (where the ribs show during each breath like when you’re sucking in). The child was placed on an oxygen monitor, and readings that continued in the low 70’s were followed by grunting, and breaths per minute of over 160. The child was in severe respiratory distress and admitted to Neonatal Intensive Care.

After several hours of lab tests, x-rays, and eventually an echocardiogram, it was determined that Henry had Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension. Here is a short paragraph on what that is taken online from the University of Washington Academic Medical Center. “Persistent pulmonary hypertension of the newborn (PPHN) is the result of elevated pulmonary vascular resistance to the point that venous blood is diverted to some degree through fetal channels (i. e. the ductus arteriosus and foramen ovale) into the systemic circulation and bypassing the lungs, resulting in systemic arterial hypoxemia.” In Henry’s case this was caused by a failure of the patent ductus arteriosus to close normally- this normally happens within minutes of birth, or it may take a few days but is usually asymptomatic in full term babies. What was unusual in his case is that even though he was a full-term baby he developed symptoms like a premature baby would (ed: there is absolutely no way he was premature, his due date being verified not only by numerous ultrasounds but by my charting and the onset of my morning sickness ). The cause in full-term babies without other heart defects is unknown, but it occurs more often in c-sections. It is believed that something in the labor process, particularly second stage labor, tells the baby’s heart and lungs to be ready to be born and this doesn’t happen in a c-section.

The treatment for Henry started with oxygen. This alone was not enough. Then they put him on a CPAP to give oxygen and force. He was then treated by giving him surfactant (this is administered by temporarily placing a tube down his throat). This also was not successful, so then Nitrous Oxide was administered at 20 parts per million by use of a CPAP machine at a force of 7. Things still did not improve. The next step was a ventilator with sedation, and then a transfer to the Legacy Immanuel Hospital in Portland, Oregon. Over the course of three days his situation was stable, but not better. Even a chest tube had know been added for drainage due to an air bubble under the lung. We couldn’t hold him- we could barely touch him because any stimulation would cause his stats to be affected.

OF course many prayers were said during this time, but I really felt inspired to pray to His Grace Archbishop Lefebvre. During the last night of the pregnancy, before the c-section, my wife had asked for his intercession regarding the unstable lie as they were to do an ultrasound immediately before surgery to see if he had changed position and labor could be induced instead. She had even offered to add the name “Marcel” as a second middle name! She told me this as we were getting ready to go to the hospital and I remember thinking that we would defiantly need his intercession, but not to avoid a Cesarean section. God’s answer on that was no. Both my wife and I felt that not only was she to have a Cesarean section, but that we were in for a really long haul of some sort. We felt this intently enough that we prepared three or four different backups for my mother in law who lives with us and helps out often with the children. She has many health conditions, and we knew that long term care of the children would not be physically something that she could handle. Thank God for our parish, who was wonderful through all this.

At this point, it is now the morning of Sunday October 3^rd. It was really beginning to look like the ventilator was in store, and my wife was particularly devastated because she was being discharged and not only was she leaving without her baby, there had been no improvement. I told my wife that I wished I had some picture of Archbishop Lefebvre. She stated that she had the holy card with the prayer she used during the pregnancy with her at the hospital. I asked her for it. I prayed the prayer on the back over the child, and told His Grace that if through his intercession God would heal this child, and get us out of here tomorrow, that I would submit the miracle for his canonization. We then taped the picture to his crib. Within 2 hours the Nitrous Oxide, oxygen, CPAP force, and heart medication he was on was cut in half. He was taken off of total IV nutrition and began receiving breast milk through an oral-gastric tube. At the recommendation of one of our priests we still had him baptized, especially since my wife was being discharged that day and it was possible that there would be periods of time we would not be able to be up there with Henry. By the next morning everything related to the heart and lungs was removed. They still did some jaundice treatment, but it was something that could have been done outpatient and probably would not even have been done had there not been extra risks to the jaundice due to the lack of oral nutrition and the nitrous oxide therapy. The turnaround was so sudden and unexpected that every doctor in the NICU came in on their own time to see this child. Dr. L stated he was like a totally different child. Dr. G stated that this was a very unexpected and instantaneous turn around, and Dr. B said was “almost miraculous”. Although we were not able to come home until 10/7/2010, (exactly one week- we had been told to expect a minimum of two weeks; and that was an optimistic estimate that held if we weren’t transferred), no other treatments were administered. His improvement was so evident that they didn’t even bother to do a repeat echocardiogram to verify that the PDA had closed and the pulmonary pressures had returned to normal.

We were not able to leave quickly like we had asked for, but his healing was so instantaneous that they wanted to further monitor the child. The hospital also has various regulations that had to be followed (realistically, waiving those would have been in some ways a greater miracle then the healing!). For example: A 24-hour period of observation following the removal of a chest tube, 24-hours of oral feedings without any use of the tube (although he started nursing Monday, it took him a couple of days to recover his energy enough to be able to feed completely by mouth.) There was a hearing screening and a safety check to watch the child breathe in a car seat, etc. As aggravating as it was to stay after a healing had so obviously occurred, it was in some ways comforting to mom as well. She didn’t have to take a child home that had three days of severe respiratory distress and panic every time he got the hiccups or his chest appeared to rise a little higher than normal. It also allowed help with nursing while he was still getting his energy back. Words cannot describe how I feel writing this letter. My family witnessed a miracle by the hand of God through the intercession of His Excellency. I also cannot describe the suffering. It was needed. I went to confession soon after we were released, feeling like I had learned so much about myself and family. The miracle was amazing, and I am writing this letter to keep my end of deal, but God’s grace, at least to me, was in the suffering.

Thank you for collecting information for the Canonization of His Excellency. My family will pray for your success. If there is any way we can assist you, our contact info is below. We would also like to know how we could obtain more copies of the holy card with the prayer on it, as Henry’s story has got around and they are now in great demand at our parish, but we only have the one card.

Rocky & Sara

The prayer we prayed: O Jesus, Eternal High priest, who deigned to elevate thy faithful servant Marcel Lefebvre to the episcopal dignity and to grant him the grace of being a fearless defender of the Holy Mass, the Catholic Priesthood, of Thy Holy Church, and of the Holy See, of being a courageous apostle of Thy Kingdom on earth, of being a devoted servant of Thy holy Mother, and of being a shining example of charity, of humility and of all virtues; bestow upon us now, by his merits, the graces we beseech of Thee, so that, assured of his powerful intercession to Thee, we may one day see him elevated to the glory of the altar. Amen.

Henry Louis!

2010-10-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

Henry Louis, born on 9/30. More details about his birth and NICU stay later, but he's home (since the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary!) and doing great!

My best Christmas present

2009-12-28T16:38:00.001-08:00

My little torchbearer!

I'm still here....

2009-10-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

I have two posts "in the works" and have had for a while now. But I'm just not online hardly at all. The reason why? The "electronic idol" has been unplugged. We're going on a few months now, and it's been great (I confess to popping in a DVD into my CD/DVD on the computer to help a cranky kid wake up from a nap). The kids are playing Connect Four right now and I'm waiting for my daughter's bus to come, so I thought I'd remember my blog.

Life After Television: Teaching Our Children to Play Again
By Lisa Workman

Studies have made the news again regarding television and our children. What are they saying? Too much television is not good for our kids. The very presence of a television in your child’s room can be a determining factor in how well your kids do academically. Kids today are continuing to be “plugged in.”

What is the solution? Limit television viewing. Move the TV out of you kids’ rooms. Be involved in what they are watching.

Okay. We move the television into a common and give our kids time limits. Now what? A comment I hear often when people ask me about the Tokens for TV program is, what do my kids do now? Our kids are so used to being plugged in, they don’t know what to do. They’re bored.

It doesn’t matter if your children are 6 or 16, the answer is the same. It’s time to teach our kids how to play again. Having a time for quiet and play are important life skills. How else will their imagination start working on its own again?

Start with the following ideas to help your kids in their unplugged play:

Play a game. Dig our your board games. Checkers, Chess, Monopoly and Sorry! Are all great games.

Dig out the playing cards. Go Fish, Old Maid, War… There are even other specific card games such as Uno out there. You can also teach your children how to play solitaire.

Be a bookworm. Go to the library in your home or your community. Scour the thrift shops and yard sales. Be a part of a book exchange. There are also some great audio books available at the library. You can also purchase audio books at thrift stores, department stores and online.

Hands-on fun. Bring out the clay or play dough. Your teenagers may roll their eyes at this one too, but you would be surprised at how they will sit down and keep themselves entertained with this one. (And you don’t have to go out and buy your dough – have them help you make a batch. A recipe is included below.)

Build something. LEGO’s, Lincoln Logs and K’nex. How many of our kids still have these in the back of their closet? Don’t have these construction pieces? Try creating structures using toothpicks and connecting them together with green peas. Sounds funny, but it works! As the structures dry they become sturdier and you can keep them around for awhile.

Go outdoors. Outdoor games like marbles, jacks, hopscotch not only occupy your kids, they will also strengthen coordination skills. Too hot or cold out? The garage, basement and/or kitchen floors will work fine too.

Become an outdoor artist. Buy a tub of colored chalk from the local discount store and give your kids a theme to create their own masterpieces on your front or back sidewalks. Take pictures of them for your family album.

Are these new ideas? Of course not. But when our kids are given a choice of any of these “offline” activities or the chance to plug in to their TV or games, what are they going to choose? When you unplug your kids, they will learn how to play again simply because they have nothing else to do. They will find other activities to keep themselves entertained.

Be prepared for a little bit of whining or frustration on your kids’ part. It’s normal. It’s so much easier to sit in front of a screen with mindless entertainment. It won’t take long and your kids will be able to find other things to do instead of plugging in and tuning the world out.

Lisa Workman is the author of Tokens for TV: A Sensible Approach to Balancing Television, Video Game and Computer Activities. How much time does your child spend “plugged in” to some sort of electronic device? Get your FREE worksheet at www.tvtokens.com.
There are many variations of homemade play dough. The Internet or any kid’s craft book are great resources if you would like more ideas. There are edible versions as well (less clean up!). The following recipe contains items commonly found in most kitchens.

UNCOOKED SALT DOUGH

Ingredients:
3 cups of flour
1/4 cup of salt
1 tablespoon of cooking oil
1 cup of water
food coloring (liquid is best)

Instructions:
1. Mix flour and salt together in a large bowl.
2. Add water and oil slowly.
3. Add desired amount of food coloring.
4. Store dough in air tight container.

Add water (a little at a time) if dough is too stiff. If dough is too sticky, add more flour.

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel

2009-07-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

Novena to Our Lady of Mount Carmel

Vigil of the Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel

2009-07-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well, time for one of my sporadic posts. I checked my email today and it hit me how little I've been on here. I am just too weak to spend all that much time on the internet and not end up wasting a lot of time. So although I'm going to keep this blog up, and I'm going to write on it when I can, I will probably never have a very active blog.

As I'm looking into the traditional third order of Carmel, this feast is doubly special to me this year. I was enrolled in the Scapular by a dear friend when I was still at the Novus Ordo. As was typical with any traditional devotions, I had heard nothing about it and didn't really see what the big deal was, but since I was enrolled on the feast of the Assumption when I made my total consecration to Our Lady, I figured it wouldn't hurt to wear it. But it annoyed me tremedously. I could not find clothing other then turtlenecks that "the thing" (as I called it) did not manage to come out of, babies loved to get little fingers and toes stuck in it, and the wool itched at first. I figured it was a devotion in the sense that other kinds of scapulars or medals might be and didn't really understand the unique place it held. I had read something in the little piece of paper enclosed that if you took your scapular off it was like renouncing the faith or something, so I left it on...most of the time.

Shortly after we began to attend the TLM, a parishoner gave me a small book and a audio tape on the Brown Scapular. I was amazed at what a beauitful gift Mary had given us, how unique it was, and how...proven...it was. And I was horrified at how casually and almost contempuously I had worn it, and how close I had come to taking it off!

So although I also want to take advantage of this feast day to post a link to a site about a little known Carmelite saint who has earned a place among my favorites, St. Teresa Margaret of the Sacred Heart, I also want to provide some links to information about the Brown Scapular, so curious non-Catholics can read and Catholics can see what a great gift Our Lady has given us.

The Rosary, Brown Scapular, and the Sabbantine Privilage
St. Dominic's prophecy, Fatima, and the Scapular
The Brown Scapular of Mt. Carmel

12 Million Rosary Crusade

2009-06-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

I want to do my humble little part to get out the word about the 12 million Rosary Crusade, started by His Excellency Bishop Fellay. In addition to the 12 million (5-decade) Rosaries, he is also asking the priests and faithful to promote the 5 First Saturdays and the message of Fatima, particularly the reparation and sacrifice through our daily duties. Since in our family's thought on it First Fridays and First Saturdays are inexorably intertwined, our family has made the commitment to:

1. Make praying our family Rosary the number one priority in the evenings
2. Faithfully commit to making the Five First Saturdays and the Nine First Fridays
3. Try to at least do at least partial abstinence on Wednesdays and Saturdays (preferably total abstinence ) and look for other penances we could offer up to the Sacred and Immaculate Hearts.

Here is information on First Friday devotions (As a side note, a thank you to Catholic Tradition for including this blog in their links!) . Fr. Crosiet's book "Devotion to the Sacred Heart" which can be read here or purchased at TAN or Amazon, is THE book on the devotion and one of the better books period on love of Jesus and the path to sanctity. For those who wish to make a Holy Hour on Thursday or Friday like St. Margaret Mary and many other saints can find the Holy Hour as practiced by St. Gemma here.

Fatima is the great Marian apparition of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. To read about Our Lady's requests including the Consecration of Russia to the Immaculate Heart and the Five First Saturdays devotion, check out the Fatima Network. This link goes to "The Requests" section of the website, but the entire website is worth reading, especially for those who are new to traditional Catholicism, want to know more about Fatima in general, or think or have heard that Fatima is over, that the 3rd Secret has been revealed, that Russia has been consecrated, etc.

May St. Margaret Mary and Blessed Francisco and Jacinta pray to obtain for us us their love for Jesus and Mary and their horror for sin.

Pentecost Sunday

2009-05-31T21:39:00.000-07:00

Happy and blessed Feast of Pentecost! I want to try to do a little each day, because I miss writing. I'm not promising anything though. It seems like every time I get on the computer, I just honestly have something better I need to be doing. I do now, as a matter of fact, but I'm holding a baby and am stuck in a chair, so might as well type). I'm not as quick of a worker anymore, I need more rest, and I can no longer multitask due to the cognitive issues (anyone who has fibro/CFIDS or knows someone with it knows what I mean). That means that my daily duties take much longer.

Phillip will be six months old on the 13th. I can't believe it! He already has two teeth and is getting a third. He seems very precocious as far as milestones go, which is such a blessing. With every child, I worry about development since Gianna- with Phillip, where I had to stay on meds during the pregnancy, I worried more.

The weight loss from his birth isn't going so good (says I as I eat my banana pudding ice cream...oh, man....just get me some Resier's Hot Buttered Rum and banana pudding ice cream...can anyone guess which one of the seven deadly sins I tend to fall into?). Seriously I have to lose weight, so this will be my last bowl for a while *sniff sniff*

Although, I think I am working out aerobically. Experts recommend aerobic exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes at least 3 times a week, and anaerobic exercise (weight lifting, etc.). Here is my workout routine:

Loading a 15.5 lb, 30 lb, 40 lb., 50 lb, and 62 lb. child into the car. Two, sometimes three of these need physical help. The car is an average of 20 feet from my door and this takes about five minutes.

Repeat procedure when we arrive at the church. Pick up the 15 lb. weight and the 30 lb. weight. 30 lb. weight is clumsy and frequently stumbles because he won't look where he is going. Enter church

Genuflect and kneel. Wrestle with 50 lb. child and 30 lb. child for the length of a Low Mass- sometimes more so, sometimes less. Repeat move from kneeling to standing to sitting a minimum of 10 times. Work on flexibility when the toddler drops the missal over the pew between the pew and the cry room window, when I have to stretch my leg to keep one child trapped in the pew while I grab the other, or when I have to stop my autistic daughter from bolting out the door while nursing the baby because there wasn't a Mass offered at the side altar today like there was yesterday adn that threw her routine off and then cover her mouth when she screams until I can take her to the bathroom, calm her down, and repeat procedure. Go up for Communion, with 30 lb. weight and 50 lb. weight, recieve, return to cry room, repeat kneel, stand, sit about five more times, then go forward again after Mass to light a candle with each kid, then load up diaper bag, put ten pound weight over shoulder (slight exaggeration), put 15 lb. one in 5 lb. car seat, walk to car, strap all the kids in, and collapse in driver's seat.

I'm sweating at the end of it. My heart rate is up. I'm very frequently sore afterwards. I say it qualifies. I bet you anything a doctor couldn't do it. When it's a High Mass, with all the standing, sitting, and kneeling and genuflecting I could sell it as a workout video. ;) (They're usually very well-behaved; I just have a baby, a toddler, and an autistic child which feels like having toddler twins)

And I wouldn't give it up for anything. As long as I am still physically capable, I pray for the grace to keep it up. I've grown more in four months (we were going to daily Mass intermittently the last six weeks of my pregnancy with Phillip and after his birth, but it was only at 8 weeks postpartum we started going regularly daily). I didn't think the experiment (that was what it was) would have such amazing results.

I didn't think I had the energy. I don't have any less, and often more, from going. I didn't think I could get up that early. I still don't like it, but it's doable. I didn't think the kids would enjoy it, that it would burn them out. They love it. Not in a "fun" way, but they get upset when we miss it. The effects have transformed our family.

Amazing, huh? Well, I essentially reinvented the wheel- I'm not the first one to discover this. But I thought I had every reason in the world not to go- distance, money, time, energy, health, kids- and all those reasons have just seemed more reaosns TO go.

I'd love to write more about this, but I've got to go to bed if I'm going to Mass tomorrow.

Contemplation and motherhood

2009-03-14T03:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for a long time, I know. I haven't given up the computer for Lent, but we started going to daily Mass, which has been a wonderful grace and blessing for our family. But the time I formerly used for writing is the time I'm now using for Mass. Time much better spent, but as I'm up with a sick baby I thought it was a great time to update.

Phillip is 3 months old now...I can't believe it! He is just an adorable little guy, and so alert. He's got a nasty cold now that I pray doesn't go to his lungs, but other then that he is doing well.

My rheumatoid arthritis factor came back positive, the only thing that was keeping them from diagnosing me with RA, giving another condition to add to my list. I'm actually glad, because all the treatment I can't get for my fibromyalgia (which has been the more painful condition) will now be covered under the RA, such as seeing a rheumatologist and physical therapy, even though I am in no more pain then before. :) Actually, I think I've had it for two years- my sed rate has been elevated and the joint pain I've had is very typical of RA, but like my mom, who has a severe case, I don't swell much and I don't get red. She didn't even start swelling until the last five or so years, and she's had it most of my life.

Anyways, enough about boring stuff. Lately I've been really drawn to praying more, reading more about mental prayer and contemplation. I'm re-reading St. Theresa of Avila, and I'm actually understanding her for the first time! The other times, it's been like reading Latin- no, I know more Latin then I understood of her life. :)
On this great site that reprints Catholic pamphlets, I found "Mother and Mystic at home" about this mother who had ten children, and through her prayer journaling, had a deep contemplative life. It's beautiful, and such an inspiration. I used to prayer journal, and I need to get back to it. Not only does it help you focus when your mind is wandering, but it keeps a record of your spiritual life so you can see what resolutions you've made, what graces God has given you that you need to be grateful for, and what answers and lights you have recieved, so when you face a similar trial, you can look back on what God has given you in the past. I have this bad habit of throwing away journals when I fill them; I have this paranoia about me dying and people then reading my journal and thinking that I really did think all these bad things about them or I really was that miserable, since I tend to journal more in bad times than good. My last one I really wish I hadn't, because it contained my feelings and prayers after my "Act of Offering to Merciful Love" , my enrollment in the "Knights of the Cross", my parish mission resolutions- all sorts of stuff I now wish I could look back on. I've only kept one journal, and that is my record of the three or four days when I struggled with leaving Wicca and coming back to Christianity after my falling away. I'll write about that experience and post it on here at some point in the hopes that it will be useful to someone. God has truly exercised so much mercy in my behalf.

St. Therese and homemaking

2009-02-08T20:10:00.000-08:00

"Later, at fourteen, after her "conversion" (as she called it), she thought of religious life chiefly as a means of saving souls. For this reason she toyed with the idea of joining a congregation of missionary sisters, but the hope of saving more souls through mortification and self-sacrifice made her decide to shut herself up in Carmel. She told me the reason for this decision herself: it was to suffer more, and in that way win more souls to Jesus. She considered it harder for human nature to work without ever seeing the fruit of one's labors, to toil on without encouragement or any kind of relief. She said the hardest work of all was to work on oneself in order to gain self-mastery. So it was this living death, which was more lucrative in souls won, that she decided to embrace, wishing, as she said herself, "to become a prisoner as soon as possible, in order to bring people the beauties of heaven."
~Sister Genevieve of St. Theresa and of the Holy Face, O.C.D (Celine Martin), quoted in "St. Therese of Lisieux by those who knew her- Testimonies from the process of beautification"

The Church has taught us that St. Therese's "little way" is imitiable by all the faithful, in all vocations. I think it has a special call for those of us who are homemakers. Our day is filled full of the little sacrifices that St. Therese offered up to Our Lord to show her love and to save souls- the interruption of a child when we're doing something, a broken night's sleep, the repetitive housework tasks, and all the little things that go into making up a homemaker's day.

I read this passage above a few days ago when re-reading one of my favorite reads, "St. Therese by those who knew her".

As a homemaker, you rarely get rewards, at least the immediate gratification rewards and encouragement that the world values. At best, your vocation is viewed by most as "a nice option", many are indifferent, and many are actively hostile. There is no paycheck, no vacation time, no true days off, and the floor will need vaccumed again probably 30 minutes after you finished.

That is not to say there are not many rewards, and not daily encouragement for those who know where to seek it- just like there is in any vocation. But the further our society goes from the Catholic ideal, the more "hermit-like" you can find yourself being out of necessity. I know the larger our family has got, the less we find pleasure in the "typical" forms of entertainment. You move away from more artifical stuff and find yourself embracing more of what really refreshes the soul- good times with friends, the simple pleasures of a quiet (quiet being a relative term) evening and a book, some special time with your husband just snuggling- and less of the malls and concerts and movies and all the other things that seem to make and break our society. Something about the whole process of becoming closer to God, about trying to really live a Catholic family makes all the usual entertainments seem like cotton candy when you were hoping for a good meal. And in that sense, the home and the cloister have a lot in common.

"She said the hardest work of all was to work on oneself in order to gain self-mastery". When you are a mother, a wife, a homeschooler, a housekeeper, and the various other tasks a homemaker takes on, as well as your own spiritual life and walk, you better gain self-mastery, or you will be living in misery and chaos! More and more, I find books and sermons talking about fighting a battle, conquring your vices, avoiding temptation, and mortification more and more relevant, because I am fighting a battle every day. My daily tasks make it extremely evident how far I am from sanctity.

St. Therese said why she willingly chose the cloister instead of a more active order- "it was more lucrative for souls won". She was to go on to be declared, along with St. Francis Xavier, the patron saint of missionaries. The home, too, can be more lucrative for souls won. Sometimes people who have embraced feminist ideals and are trying to combine them with Christianity tell women "What about our duty to be light adn salt to the world?" "What about outside apostolates?" "What about evangelization?" There are many misconceptions and errors in this thinking, but one of the biggest ones, if not the biggest one, is teh concept that the hidden life cannot win souls.

A mother cannot go preach the Gospel to distant lands or teach theology in a seminary. But she can preach the Gospel to her little ones around the breakfast table. She can teach theology to the homeschooled First Communicant or the teen trying to discern a vocation. She can offer up the "flowers" that St. Therese offered to our Lord, the "nothings" of the hidden life, of the sacrifices that come when you set yourself to work on self-mastery both for your sanctification and the sanctification of your family. "To please God and to save sinners"- starting with ourselves!

Spermicides can lead to miscarrage

2009-02-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

Another reason to not use contraception. Thanks to Ladyscott from the Beautiful Womanhood message board for finding this.

Title: Vaginal spermicides and miscarriage seen primarily in the emergency room.
Author: Jick H; Shiota K; Shepard TH; Hunter JR; Stergachis A; Madsen S; Porter JBSource: Teratogenesis, Carcinogenesis, and Mutagenesis. 1982;2(2):205-10.

Abstract: Data are presented on the relation of spermicide use in the frequency and type of miscarriages seen primarily in the emergency room. The study was part of the program of quality assessment of patient care carried out by Group Health Cooperative of Puget Sound (Seattle, Washington). The study population included 5949 women who delivered liveborn children and 222 women who miscarried. Among the 6171 women studies, 813 (13%) had filled a prescription for spermicides within 48 weeks of the estimated date of fertilization: 1127 (18%) had filled a prescription for an oral contraceptive (OC) within 48 weeks of the estimated date of fertilization (EDF); and 4231 (69%) had not filled a prescription for either. Among the 813 spermicide users, 47 (5.8%) had a miscarriage, compared with 35 of 1127 (3.1%) OC users, and 140 of 4231 (3.3%) women who used neither. The risk ratio (RR) estimate comparing spermicide users with all others is 1.8. The RR estimate comparing spermicide users with women who used neither is 1.8. For spermicide users, the rate of miscarriage was 19/255 (75/1000) for women who had filled their last prescription within 12 weeks of the EDF; it was 13/242 (54/1000) for women who filled their last prescription between 13 and 24 weeks prior to the EDF; it was 15/316 (47/1000) for women who filled their last prescription between 25 and 48 weeks prior to the EDF. In all 3 categories the rate was higher than the rate in OC users and the rate in women who use neither. Examination of abortus material revealed that the association with spermicides was strongest among those where an abnormal fetus was present. In the entire series of 222 miscarriages, there were 18 abortuses in which a specific defect(s) was described. The frequency of such events was 4/813 (4.9/1000) for spermicide users, 1/1127 (0.9/1000) for OC users and 13/4231 (3.1/1000) for nonusers. Study results provide additional evidence for the hypothesis that the use of vaginal spermicides near, at, or after the time of conception has a deleterious effect on pregnancy outcome. The data are most consistent with the hypothesis that use must be near or at the time of conception in order for this effect to be present. Language: English Keywords: RETROSPECTIVE STUDIES WASHINGTON SPERMICIDAL CONTRACEPTIVE AGENTS BARRIER METHODS ABORTION, SPONTANEOUS ABORTION INCIDENCE PREGNANCY COMPLICATIONS UNITED STATES COMPLICATIONS Studies Research Methodology North America Americas Developed Countries Contraceptive Agents Contraception Family Planning Contraceptive Methods Diseases Fertility Control, Postconception Measurement Document Number: 010746 Notification http://db.jhuccp.org/ics-...&DF=LongRecordDisplay

NFP: Neither the "Eighth Sacrament" nor the "Eighth Deadly Sin"

2009-02-02T06:33:00.000-08:00

This post over at Catholicmomof10 made me decide to put my thoughts on it down here.

I got the idea for the title for this from this now-defunct blog. Although you can tell a guy wrote it (what breastfeeding calorie burn?) it raises some good points.

I'm not going to defend the licitness of NFP. This article, although by a sedevacantist, does an excellent job of bringing together the evidence that NFP is in fact an allowable option for couples experiencing serious/grave reasons.

Can NFP be used as contraception? Although it doesn't become contraception with improper use, it can certainly be used as if it were contraception. An analogy might be that a butcher knife is still a kitchen tool even if it is used as a weapon in a murder.

When we first found out about NFP, and switched to using it, we still had a contraceptive mentality. And our NFP class didn't really address the issue of serious reasons. The teacher had never had to use NFP- getting adequate child spacing through ecological breastfeeding- and she had a large family. She had easy pregnancies and labors, and no health problems.

However, we gradually developed an idea of what "serious reasons" meant. I was on an NFP message board at the time, and I did begin to see misuse of NFP. People using it as a given after their marriage so they could "get to know each other", "work a few years before having children", "finish college". Couples using it because "they were done", "they were overwhelmed", etc. The wife wanted to go back to work, they wanted to save money and not be so tight. Not everyone was like this, but it convinced me that NFP could in fact be used contraceptively.

Towards the end of my time there, I began to hear in the name of "responsible parenthood" a new twist on this- couples were morally obliged to use NFP under certain circumstances. This was what was meant by "responsible parenthood." Usually the circumstances given were the couple accepting government assistance because they were lower-income. This, I knew, was definately against Church teaching- a couple can use NFP but is never obliged to do so, in fact, there is a heroic abandonment to God's Will that is present when a couple just lets God decide despite difficult circumstances. Danielle Bean's blog has an excellent answer to this: Humble and Heroic.

I've seen it again on the blogosphere and in NO writings. An expert at EWTN said that "it is better to have two you can educate all the way rather then seven you can only take so far" as if providing for college was an obligation for Catholic parents. Gregory Popack, a neo-Catholic psychologist and a "Theology of the Body" advocate, has said that moms are morally obliged to practice attachment parenting, including spacing their children 2 1/2- 3 years apart. Here is his quote:

"I would agree that you cannot do AP without going to the nuthouse if you haveanother child every year. But the AP response would be that, unless Godhas somehow specifically called a person to act in a manner that is contrary towhat he created the child's body to need (which would be remarkable consideringPope Benedict's assertion at Ravensburg that the Christian God is a God of order and reason who does not contradict the laws of hisown creation) then it is imperative to the bonding process and the healthof the mother that children be spaced about 2.5 to 3 years apart (give or take)."

I'm sorry, but that is contraceptive mentality- the idea that there is some "ideal" spacing and you are harming the child by not keeping to it. It is attitudes like these that harm NFP in the minds of many traditional Catholics.

Many extol the wonders and benefits of NFP use, probably trying to attract those Catholics who are using contraception. I know when I talk to someone who is doubtful about NFP use verses contraception, I don't tell them the things I hate about it! There are people that abuse NFP, just like there are people that abuse any permission. There are people who make it the default stage of a marriage instead of a permission for serious/grave reasons.

On the other hand, a couple is under no obligation to risk their health or concieve another child that they know will be severely handicapped, or to simply not allow Mom a little bit of a breather between babies. Some women, despite ecological breastfeeding, have very early returns to fertility. This article on the AP debate addresses the fact that some couples will have closely spaced families, and that is God's will for them. They have NFP as the option, and if they choose to use it, they are not "lesser Catholics" or "not trusting God", or "not open to God's will". That is a burden the Church has not put on them, and we have no right to put it on someone else.

I've also heard the argument that "they aren't accepting the children God wants to send". We need to be careful with that- it can come very close to the belief of Mormons and souls up there waiting to be born. And that argument can take us into murky waters. For example, a woman who is told to wait at least a year between children to allow her uterus to heal, maybe due to a prolapse. She doesn't, and loses her uterus with the next pregnancy. If she had waited, she might have been able to have three more children before losing her uterus. Does that mean that she, by not using NFP, was against God's will? Obviously not.

NFP is not "the Eighth Sacrament" with some sort of extraordinary exciting graces taht a couple must partake in to fully experience married life. Many "Theology of the Body" advocates can make it sound like that, or sometimes even flat out say it. NFP can be very mortifying to human nature to use, especially for longer periods of time. But neither is it "the Eighth Deadly Sin", some sort of Novus Ordo invention that "good traditional Catholics" never use. It is telling that no traditional Catholic priestly society takes the position that NFP is never allowed.

I experience very early returns to fertility (3 months, despite ecological breastfeeding!), my pregnancies are very difficult, and my health is not great. So we have always had to use NFP for some period of time between babies to get any spacing at all. We have always done this prayerfully and in consultation with a priest. We also have closely spaced children. I also do a great deal of AP parenting philosophy. I don't do natural childbirth and we use traditional methods of discipline, but other then that, we are pretty much in line with AP parenting in our ideas. (My feelings on why we do not do natural childbirth and why we do not use AP methods of discipline are two whole other posts). Our family looks nothing like what I planned when we started on this journey, but it has had many blessings. Had we stuck with our original plan of two, or even our first "NFP plan" of four, spaced a minimum of two years apart, we would be missing so much!

“When we had our children, our ideas changed somewhat. Thenceforward we lived only for them; they made all our happiness and we never would have found it save in them. In fact, nothing any longer cost us anything; the world was no longer a burden to us. As for me, my children were my great compensation, so that I wished to have many in order to bring them up from Heaven.”~Bl. Zelie Martin, Story of a Family

On the Bishop Willamson hoopla

2009-02-01T15:34:00.000-08:00

The Remnant has two excellent articles on this.

Triumph and Tribulation
Neo-Catholic Sour Grapes

Imitation of Christ through devotion to Mary

2009-01-27T06:16:00.000-08:00

"Our good Master stooped to enclose himself in the womb of the Blessed Virgin, a captive but loving slave, and to make himself subject to her for thirty years. As I said earlier, the human mind is bewildered when it reflects seriously upon this conduct of Incarnate Wisdom. He did not choose to give himself in a direct manner to the human race though he could easily have done so. He chose to come through the Virgin Mary. Thus he did not come into the world independently of others in the flower of his manhood, but he came as a frail little child dependent on the care and attention of his Mother. Consumed with the desire to give glory to God, his Father, and save the human race, he saw no better or shorter way to do so than by submitting completely to Mary.He did this not just for the first eight, ten or fifteen years of his life like other children, but for thirty years. He gave more glory to God, his Father, during all those years of submission and dependence than he would have given by spending them working miracles, preaching far and wide, and converting all mankind. Otherwise he would have done all these things.What immeasurable glory then do we give to God when, following the example of Jesus, we submit to Mary! With such a convincing and well- known example before us, can we be so foolish as to believe that there is a better and shorter way of giving God glory than by submitting ourselves to Mary, as Jesus did?"

~St. Louis De Montfort "True Devotion to Mary"

Thank you Blessed Mother!

2009-01-24T03:37:00.000-08:00

Thanks be to God, who granted us this through the intercession of His Blessed Mother! Thank you to the Holy Father

Press Release from the Superior General of the Priestly Society of Saint Pius X

The excommunication of the bishops consecrated by His Grace Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre, on June 30, 1988, which had been declared by the Congregation for Bishops in a decree dated July 1, 1988, and which we had always contested, has been withdrawn by another decree mandated by Benedict XVI and issued by the same Congregation on January 21, 2009.
We express our filial gratitude to the Holy Father for this gesture which, beyond the Priestly Society of Saint Pius X, will benefit the whole Church. Our Society wishes to be always more able to help the pope to remedy the unprecedented crisis which presently shakes the Catholic world, and which Pope John Paul II had designated as a state of “silent apostasy.”
Besides our gratitude towards the Holy Father and towards all those who helped him to make this courageous act, we are pleased that the decree of January 21 considers as necessary “talks” with the Holy See, talks which will enable the Priestly Society of Saint Pius X to explain the fundamental doctrinal reasons which it believes to be at the origin of the present difficulties of the Church.
In this new atmosphere, we have the firm hope to obtain soon the recognition of the rights of Catholic Tradition

Menzingen, January 24, 2009
+Bernard Fellay

I'm in love!

2009-01-23T17:26:00.000-08:00

My little guy is six weeks old. Where did the time go?

Every pregnancy during the pregnancy I am almost certain that I will never be able to go through *this* again. And then I am handed my new baby. And it's like falling in love, and each time a little bit deeper then the last because I have the deeper ability to love that God has created in me through my other children and my husband. This guy, probably because of missing him that first hour and all the trouble I've had with nursing this time, really has a special place in my heart and in his daddy's.

I love babies. I love newborns in particular. I love their little eyes- both their wide, innocent look when they're awake, and the sleepy "milk-drunk" look they get after a good nursing. I love the full-body stretches, and the way their little tongue sticks out when they stretch or get hungry. I love feeling a little person curled up between my chin and my stomach. I love the little sighs and grunts, and even the little cries (so quiet compared to a toddler!). I love the simplicity of parenting at this stage. Their wants are their needs. I love bringing a new baby to the baptismal font and seeing them born again in Christ. I love knowing that their soul is a home for the Blessed Trinity, and I have been blessed to bring that soul into the world.

Motherhood has had joys and sorrows beyond that I ever could have imagined. It is very hard, and at times can be very draining. It demands everything out of my body and mind and soul. But the rewards!- they are, even in this life, so immense. How much more in the next life when, God willing, we are all reunited in heaven? I am truly blessed to be a mother.

Making Your Home a Haven challenge- end of the week progress

2009-01-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday I did nothing towards it.

I did do a whole bunch of other stuff- I can honestly say I didn't waste time. Just nothing on my to-do list. I want to clean good too because 1. it will keep my mind off of the fact that once again I was up at 3 am and 2. I don't want to start the weekend messy because it just gets messier and then Monday rolls around and I'm already behind. Plus, I have my support group meeting this weekend and I need to get ready for that.

After Phillip's birth I tried going without my sleep medication. Unfortunately, that's not an option for me, as this has proved. My pain goes up and my sleep goes down, as well as my mood. I've tried all sorts of natural ways to sleep better- having struggled with insomnia and non-refreshing sleep for a long time- and none of them have worked. My sleep medication is safe for nursing, and it doesn't sedate me so much that I don't wake up for night nursings- just enough to where I can go back to sleep afterwards!

Hopefully I can hang in there today. Thank God it's Friday!

Open Letter to Pope Benedict from Muslim convert

2009-01-23T04:23:00.000-08:00

When I find the whole thing, I'll post it. This is wonderful. This in combination with the continued news about the lifting of the "excommunications"...it's really a time to increase our prayers for the Holy Father.

"On October 20, Magdi Allam, born a Muslim and baptized by Benedict XVI during the Easter Vigil 2008, posted an open letter to the pope on his website."

On the eve of the first meeting of the Catholic-Muslim Forum which took place November 4-6, 2008, the deputy director of the Italian daily Corriere della Sera wanted to share with the pope his concerns about “the grave religious and ethnic downward spiral which has infiltrated and spread into the very heart of the Church”. It seems to him “vital for the common good of the Catholic Church, for the general interests of Christianity and Western civilization itself” that the Holy Father make a “clear and restrictive” declaration on the “fundamental question” which is “discrediting the Church”: “Is it conceivable that the Church legitimizes Islam as a religion to the point of considering Mohammed a prophet?”He stated, “I say to you in all sincerity, and inspired by a positive intention, that the objective truth is the opposite of what Cardinal Tauran imagines”.

“The truth is that Islamic fundamentalism corresponds naturally to authentic Islam which is of a piece with the Koran, which, in its turn, is considered of a piece with Allah. The truth is that moderate Islam does not exist, as Cardinal Tauran himself has maintained, although there are certainly moderate Muslims.”“I wonder if the Church realizes that by not stating this and by not setting herself up as a witness of the uniqueness, of the absolute character, of the universality and of the eternity of the Truth in Christ, she will only make herself an accomplice in the construction of a world pantheon of religions, where everyone considers that each religion possesses a part of the truth, even if each religion claims the monopoly on the truth? Why be surprised after this, if the fact that Christianity, put on an equal footing with a myriad of other beliefs and ideologies which give the most diverse responses to spiritual needs, no longer fascinates, persuades nor conquers the minds and hearts of these very Christians who are increasingly leaving the Church, who flee from the priestly vocation and more generally exclude the religious dimension from their life?”

“For me, Christianity is not a religion better than Islam, or the complete religion of a message accomplished in comparison to an Islam considered as an incomplete religion of an unaccomplished message. For me Christianity is the one true religion, because it is the authentic Jesus, God made man who witnessed among us men, through His works of truth, of good sense and of the goodness of Christianity.”“It is precisely my experience as a moderate Muslim pursuing the dream of a moderate Islam, which made me understand that as an individual one can certainly be a moderate Muslim, but that Moderate Islam absolutely does not exist.”

"Christianity and Western civilization are succumbing today to the internal wounds of nihilism and relativism, the Church has lost Her soul, under the pressure of a by-nature aggressive war of conquest waged by fundamentalism and Islamic terrorism, added to the downward spiral of a world which has become globalized and is breathing in western modernity, but only in its material and consumerist dimension, while not at all integrating its spiritual aspect.”

(Sources: CNS /magdiallam)
date : 22/1/2009"

Is it possible?

2009-01-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

http://rorate-caeli.blogspot.com/2009/01/surprise-for-tomorrow.html

I really, really hope this is true. The first Rosary Crusade for the release of the Latin Mass was at least partially fulfilled, and we have just finished a second Rosary Crusade for the nullification of the excommunications, and now this.

It won't make a difference in terms of where I attend, but I know personally many Novus Ordo Catholics who only stay at Novus Ordo parishes because of their discomfort with the "irregular" status- I think our parish would grow exponentially. It would only be good for the cause of Tradition.

Making Your Home a Haven challenge- better late then never!

2009-01-21T06:27:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from some much needed reorganizing and decluttering while my lunch bakes and I found this Making Your Home a Haven challenge.

Well, it's a little late to take part in the challenge, but between that and reading some posts on housekeeping at Home Living I feel inspired to deal with some of the stuff I've been needing to do. So I'm posting my goal list for the rest of the week. I'm going to cheat and put what I got done this morning so it's a more accurate picture of what I have done and still need to do:

Buy stuff to organize homeschooling papers and other papers
clean bathroom
get laundry done (this one is easily a half-day task!)
organize desk
find a place for puzzles
put up curtain rod in living room, boys' room
shampoo carpets
vaccuum (I realize my order is backwards!)

I think this is enough for now. It will certainly keep me busy for the rest of the week!

For Today- 1/20

2009-01-20T06:27:00.000-08:00

FOR TODAY ...1/20

Outside my window... frost covered grass and a bright sun with robins and sparrows hopping on the fence

I am thinking...how quiet it is with my oldest at a friend's house

I am thankful for... how quiet it is :)

From the learning rooms...learning about squares (not really, but my 2 year old likes to feel involved), letter A activities from Alphabet Preschool Activities for the 4 and 5 1/2 year old, and starting story problems with my 7 1/2 year old

From the kitchen... nothing yet

I am wearing...a purple and white patterned nursing dress with white fuzzy socks

I am creating...a collection of quotes from my spiritual reading

I am going...to take a nap soon

I am reading..."Holy Abandonment to Divine Providence" and my new book "This Tremendous Lover" by Fr. Boylan

I am hoping...to get to watch "Into Great Silence" tonight

I am hearing...The sound of Legos

Around the house...organized chaos. I miss my helper!

One of my favorite things...sleep! And a hot bath.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Try to get back on track with homeschooling and discipline; try to get a scrapbook page done, and try to get the new curtain rods hung.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...(add your picture here)

A thought for today's inaguration

2009-01-20T06:12:00.002-08:00

"And therefore have I raised thee, that I may show my power in thee, and my name may be spoken of throughout all the earth. (Exodus 9:16)"

All of Scripture is filled with God doing His will despite of the person in office. Do not lose hope, do not despair, and pray for his conversion.

In this light, this is a great time to think about Our Lady of Fatima and her requests.
If we haven't done the Five First Saturdays, or if we don't wear the Brown Scapular, this would be a good time to start.

Moms of Many Exercise Challenge- Week 2

2009-01-19T06:14:00.000-08:00

I did horrible. I did two days of walking. It's been in the 30's all week and I've been getting up really early- Phillip is on a 3:30-4 am kick and Kieran isn't sleeping well either. I've been hurting so much between the two nothing is getting done.

I think today my focus is giong to be discipline. Well, probably this week actually. The continual getting into things, little arguments, the things that are so little you tend to let them go- until they're continual and multiplied. This week of homeschool is going to be basics and review so that I have the freedom to get up and deal with the things.

It's so hard to keep a good attitude when you're so tired. It's amazing how tied in mood is to sleep- not to mention pain!

Please pray for me, that I'll have the patience to submit to God's will for me today and that I'll have patience and joy with my children.

The Hound of Heaven

2009-01-16T06:21:00.000-08:00

I thought today I'd post one of my favorite poems, by Catholic poet Francis Thompson. As many readers may know, I have been a neo-pagan. I practiced Wicca very seriously for 2 years. I have also studied many other religions in depth- I'm actually only a few credits away from a religious studies major were I to go back to college. I've attended Buddhist temples and Jewish synogagues and Wiccan rituals and Unitarian Universalist meetings. So his comments about searching for God in nature really struck home with me, because they are very much what I found.

The Hound of Heaven
I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;
I fled Him, down the arches of the years;
I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped;
And shot, precipitated,
Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears,
From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.
But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat -- and a voice beat
More instant than the Feet --
"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."

I pleaded, outlaw-wise,
By many a hearted casement, curtained red,
Trellised with intertwining charities;
(For, though I knew His love Who followèd,
Yet was I sore adread
Lest, having Him, I must have naught beside.)
But, if one little casement parted wide,
The gust of his approach would clash it to :
Fear wist not to evade, as Love wist to pursue.
Across the margent of the world I fled,
And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,
Smiting for shelter on their clangèd bars ;
Fretted to dulcet jars
And silvern chatter the pale ports o' the moon.
I said to Dawn : Be sudden -- to Eve : Be soon ;
With thy young skiey blossoms heap me over
From this tremendous Lover--
Float thy vague veil about me, lest He see !
I tempted all His servitors, but to find
My own betrayal in their constancy,
In faith to Him their fickleness to me,
Their traitorous trueness, and their loyal deceit.
To all swift things for swiftness did I sue ;
Clung to the whistling mane of every wind.
But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,
The long savannahs of the blue ;
Or whether, Thunder-driven,
They clanged his chariot 'thwart a heaven,
Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn o' their feet :--
Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.
Still with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following Feet,
And a Voice above their beat--
"Naught shelters thee, who wilt not shelter Me."

I sought no more that after which I strayed,
In face of man or maid ;
But still within the little children's eyes
Seems something, something that replies,
They at least are for me, surely for me !
I turned me to them very wistfully ;
But just as their young eyes grew sudden fair
With dawning answers there,
Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.
"Come then, ye other children, Nature's -- share
With me" (said I) "your delicate fellowship ;
Let me greet you lip to lip,
Let me twine with you caresses,
Wantoning
With our Lady-Mother's vagrant tresses,
Banqueting
With her in her wind-walled palace,
Underneath her azured daïs,
Quaffing, as your taintless way is,
From a chalice
Lucent-weeping out of the dayspring."
So it was done :
I in their delicate fellowship was one --
Drew the bolt of Nature's secrecies.
I knew all the swift importings
On the wilful face of skies ;
I knew how the clouds arise
Spumèd of the wild sea-snortings ;
All that's born or dies
Rose and drooped with ; made them shapers
Of mine own moods, or wailful or divine ;
With them joyed and was bereaven.
I was heavy with the even,
When she lit her glimmering tapers
Round the day's dead sanctities.
I laughed in the morning's eyes.
I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,
Heaven and I wept together,
And its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine ;
Against the red throb of its sunset-heart
I laid my own to beat,
And share commingling heat ;
But not by that, by that, was eased my human smart.
In vain my tears were wet on Heaven's grey cheek.
For ah ! we know not what each other says,
These things and I ; in sound I speak--
Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.
Nature, poor stepdame, cannot slake my drouth ;
Let her, if she would owe me,
Drop yon blue bosom-veil of sky, and show me
The breasts o' her tenderness ;
Never did any milk of hers once bless
My thirsting mouth.
Nigh and nigh draws the chase,
With unperturbèd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy ;
And past those noisèd Feet
A Voice comes yet more fleet --
"Lo ! naught contents thee, who content'st not Me."

Naked I wait thy Love's uplifted stroke !
My harness piece by piece Thou hast hewn from me,
And smitten me to my knee ;
I am defenceless utterly.
I slept, methinks, and woke,
And, slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.
In the rash lustihead of my young powers,
I shook the pillaring hours
And pulled my life upon me ; grimed with smears,
I stand amid the dust o' the mounded years --
My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.
My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,
Have puffed and burst as sun-starts on a stream.
Yea, faileth now even dream
The dreamer, and the lute the lutanist ;
Even the linked fantasies, in whose blossomy twist
I swung the earth a trinket at my wrist,
Are yielding ; cords of all too weak account
For earth with heavy griefs so overplussed.
Ah ! is Thy love indeed
A weed, albeit an amaranthine weed,
Suffering no flowers except its own to mount ?
Ah ! must --
Designer infinite !--
Ah ! must Thou char the wood ere Thou canst limn with it ?
My freshness spent its wavering shower i' the dust ;
And now my heart is as a broken fount,
Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever
From the dank thoughts that shiver
Upon the sighful branches of my mind.
Such is ; what is to be ?
The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind ?
I dimly guess what Time in mists confounds ;
Yet ever and anon a trumpet sounds
From the hid battlements of Eternity ;
Those shaken mists a space unsettle, then
Round the half-glimpsed turrets slowly wash again.
But not ere him who summoneth
I first have seen, enwound
With glooming robes purpureal, cypress-crowned ;
His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.
Whether man's heart or life it be which yields
Thee harvest, must Thy harvest-fields
Be dunged with rotten death ?

Now of that long pursuit
Comes on at hand the bruit ;
That Voice is round me like a bursting sea :
"And is thy earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard ?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest me !
"Strange, piteous, futile thing !
Wherefore should any set thee love apart ?
Seeing none but I makes much of naught" (He said),
"And human love needs human meriting :
How hast thou merited --
Of all man's clotted clay the dingiest clot ?
Alack, thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art !
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,
Save Me, save only Me ?
All which I took from thee I did but take,
Not for thy harms,
But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.
All which thy child's mistake
Fancies as lost, I have stored for thee at home :
Rise, clasp My hand, and come !"
Halts by me that footfall :
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly ?
"Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He Whom thou seekest !
Thou dravest love from thee, who dravest me."

Rosary Novena against FOCA

2009-01-14T05:37:00.000-08:00

The following request for a Rosary Novena appeared in our Sunday Bulletin.
Our church is doing this and I urge everyone to beg Our Lady to keep this abomination from becoming law. We're starting tonight.

ROSARY NOVENA

The Freedom of Choice Act is being re-introduced into the US Congress this month. It could be passed as soon as January 21-22. If this bill is signed by the newly inaugurated President Obama, and made into law, it will remove all limitations on abortions. The plan is to say a Rosary Novena (offering up the daily rosary with intention to stop FOCA, for 9 days) with fasting, beginning January 11th."

It doesn't matter if you don't start the novena on the 11th, just so you say it for 9 consecutive days. God will hear it.

Equally important: Please call or email your congressman and ask him to vote against FOCA If you don't know his number, call the Federal Government Information Center at: 1 800 688 9889

Also, please sign the Against FOCA petition- it's on the sidebar of this blog.

Our priest gave some excellent thoughts this Sunday. He said that those who continue to just pray without following through on their obligation to contact their representatives are tempting God- it's presumption. It's not that prayer is unimportant or unessential, but that it's like praying for any virtue or good without making any attempts to do anything about it!

He also said "God has given us the fruit of our apathy, the president we deserve". This is very true. So many people have rested in the complacency of a supposed "pro-life" president the last few years. So many people fell all over a supposed "pro-life" candidate who wouldn't even promise to overturn Roe Vs. Wade or appoint pro-life Supreme Court justices. If a long time ago we had stayed firm on not giving our support to ANY candidate who wasn't truly pro-life, we would have had a truly pro-life candidate in this election, and one that could have beat Obama. But we accept the bones the Republican party throws us and let our other interests distract us from our focus. I've talked to many people who voted for McCain who have done nothing but complain since the election, and yet were not aware of FOCA or any of his other more frightening plans. Their focus is on "socialized medicine" and "higher taxes" and gun owner's rights.

I've read many articles since the election complaining that people voted for Obama because of economic promises. This is true, but it is understandable to see a person who has lost their home and their job and who is without health care voting for a candidate who doesn't blame them from being a victim of fraud (McCain did blame the victims and didn't support any consumer help or protection at all for the victims of the mortgage crisis while pushing for a huge bailout for the companies who are broke because their fraud didn't work out like they planned), who promises to do something about health care other then provide tax breaks for purchasing your insurance (useless to all with serious health conditions, disabled, lower-income, etc.), and who isn't going to continue the failed economic policies that got us into this mess. What is not understandable to me is someone voting for a candidate who is not pro-life because they want lower taxes or less government regulations on business or more rights for gun owners. Far too many conservatives place economics above charity- one of the failures of not only conservative politics, but of the pro-life movement as well. When I was a pro-choice activist, one our most successful ploys was to play the supposed "compassion" of pro-lifers (as we put it) against the statistics- the states that are the most anti-abortion also have the highest child poverty rates, women and children without health care, hunger rates, difficulty getting prenatal care, etc. It is something I still struggle with very much every time I have to cast a ballot. We vote based on the pro-life issue and at this point, the only fully pro-life candidates are Constitution Party. But many of their social positions, particularly those relating to the poor, disabled, etc., are against Catholic social teaching. It's extremely frustrating, and it makes it very hard to get excited about promoting one candidate over the other.

Another failure is that almost all Catholic pro-life groups have compromised on the faith. What I mean by that I am not aware of any pro-life groups that are actively evangelistic- the two closest ones are http://prolifeaction.org/ and http://www.helpersbrooklynny.org/ Compare that to Protestant pro-life groups, most of whom openly evangelize. Those groups who do tend to be much more successful- I've seen that with the crisis pregnancy centers in my own town where one is openly Christian and tries to evangelize and the other is very "woman-focused", doesn't evangelize, and tries to be "ecumenical" and "compassionate". They will not even talk about abstinence. Guess which one is Catholic and which one is Protestant? Guess which one barely is staying open and which one has opened up several satellite centers? The difference is that Protestants don't have the true faith and the true teaching on marriage and family (ex: I am not aware of any Protestant denomination that officially condemns contraception) and we do. Imagine what we could do if we evangelized with the truth! This blog has a great read from Seattle Catholic archives on the lack of success of the pro-life movement and ecumenicism.

God can bring good out of any evil. The fact that our bishops are even talking about shutting down Catholic hospitals is more guts then we've seen out of them since before Vatican II. The blood of martyrs is the seed of the Church- God has used persecution numerous times to actually cause the faith to grow. And the return to Christ is the ONLY way this slaughter is going to end. So let us pray, let us do penance, let us confess our own complacency and failure to act. And let's not despair. An Obama presidency is not the end of the world. God is in control. FOCA is horrible and we absolutely should do everything in our power to stop it, but if in the end it motivates us to finally act, then in the end, more unborn babies will be saved then if abortions continue to increase the way they did under our supposed "pro-life" president and we do nothing.

At the end of this rant, I think it's important that we all read St. Peter. He commanded that the Christians honor a corrupt emperor in all that is morally acceptable, and that we continue to pray for him. This is a lesson we need to keep in mind; he is still our president and we still need to pray for him.

"13 Be ye subject therefore to every human creature for God's sake: whether it be to the king as excelling; 14 Or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of the good: 15 For so is the will of God, that by doing well you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:
16 As free, and not as making liberty a cloak for malice, but as the servants of God. 17 Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king. 18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 19 For this is thankworthy, if for conscience towards God, a man endure sorrows, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if committing sin, and being buffeted for it, you endure? But if doing well you suffer patiently; this is thankworthy before God.
21 For unto this are you called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving you an example that you should follow his steps." (I Peter 2:13-21)"

Moms of Many Exercise Challenge- Week 1

2009-01-13T06:08:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm a day behind. I'm going to start exercising. I desperately need to lose weight (and it's good for my health and all that). I was not able to exercise for more then a few weeks this pregnancy, I'm still recovering from the SPD, and I'm only four weeks postpartum. So I'm going very slow. I hate that, because it takes so much longer to see any results going slow, but I guess it's my best shot for succeeding. So here's my plan:

Walk around our complex daily (about 1/4 mile). Since I'll be carrying a baby or pushing a stroller, there is some extra resistance there.
15 minutes stretching, leg lifts, and stomach strengthening

That's my plan until I can do that without increased pain or fatigue the next day.

For Today 1/12/09

2009-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Peggy for starting "The Simple Woman's Daybook". To read other blogs, or to join, click on the icon.

FOR TODAY, January 12, 2009

Outside my window...is dark except for the street lights

I am thinking...how I really hope they find some place to make the "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" movie with the same cast.

I am thankful for...My little ones

From the learning rooms...Trying to think how to organize the homeschooling. After DH doing it since September, tomorrow it's back in my hands as he goes back to full time work. So I got to think of a way I can structure it to where I can get it done. I also need to get some stuff for my 4 year old- he loves it and it keeps him occupied.

From the kitchen...Something that limits dishes for DH's last night home

I am wearing... pajamas

I am creating...a baby scrapbook for Phillip

I am going...to start exercising. Really, I am.

I am reading... "The Mother of the Little Flower", "The Horse and His Boy", and "Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence"

I am hoping...that Phillip is back to birth weight today

I am hearing..."Jesus loves the little children" from 100 Bible Songs

Around the house...Finish the laundry and finish organizing the desk and my home management binder

One of my favorite things...leftover spinach and artichoke dip (homemade) with French bread

A few plans for the rest of the week: survival. It's going to be such a change around here. DH hasn't worked full time since September and it's going to be so difficult to not have him around...although I'm very grateful to God that we have a job to go back to!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

A tough week

2009-01-11T06:20:00.001-08:00

Phillip still hadn't got up to birth weight yet- well, he might today, I haven't weighed him yet. Trying to figure out nursing difficulties wtih stupid medical professionals has been so frustrating. Thank God for Le Leche League! The message board and the local leader have been so helpful, and of course my DH. When I found out he hadn't regained birth weight, I was ready to quit, especially after the lactation consultant visit, where she told me to quit nursing for 3 days and pump and then we'd reinitate nursing. She diagnosed him as "failure to thrive" (which he doesn't meet and she didn't have the qualifications to do anyways), and a bunch of other inaccurate stuff, including that my supply is low because I'm nursing too much, and then, when we left her office, she immediately called our pediatrician to tell them that they needed to make us come back in for a weight check (we were weighing him at home- that was how we knew his weight gain had slowed for 2 days and why we made the appointment in the first place; it's not like we were leaving it unmonitored).

The leader was so nice and so supportive. She gave us the name of another lactation consultant and pediatrician to contact, and we discussed some possible causes. One of them probably is that we cut off the supplementation too quick when we did it the first time, because I was tired of pumping and nursing and because for some reason I thought it was just a temporary thing and not something that had to be weaned off of. I think that might be one of the causes of the extra weight loss- we were supplementing SO much in the NICU to get him off the IV and we cut it off fairly quickly on discharge. She also mentioned some potential other causes with his mouth to look into. No one has so much as looked at his latch or his mouth. Nor has anyone discussed possible medical issues with me, other then my Norco (Norco would not lower supply, but it could constipate the baby, which hasn't happened, and it could make him too sleepy, which doesn't seem to be the issue. ) We're nursing and supplementing now with a syringe to avoid nipple confusion, and we're going to move to a supplemental nursing system today. We would have done it Friday, but I was just too drained. I must have cried all Thursday evening and most of Friday. She made me feel so awful, and that combined with the NICU experience and how difficult nursing has been to get going was just too much.

I've never had nursing difficulties before, nor medical difficulties of this kind with a baby, and it's been really frightening and frustrating. I have a whole new empathy for women who have difficulties with nursing. And I've been shocked in such a liberal, "breastfeeding friendly" community, how bad the advise has been. The lactation consultant in the NICU told me my milk would be in at 26 hours postpartum adn that I could get an ounce or two on top of nursing every 2 hours. They did tell me I could do every 3 or even every 4 hours for nursing. They never encouraged skin to skin contact- in fact, one nurse actively discouraged it when she saw me lifting my shirt. It made me so wound up I didn't try it again. They insisted on bottle supplementation which created nipple confusion. My pediatrician's advice of giving him 2 ozs. of formula before every feeding every 2 hours and then offering him the breast would have resulted in a weaned baby in about 1 day. I am a fifth time mom, I have successfully breastfeed four other children for over a year with never as much as sore nipples, and I am still very nervous, very on edge, and I have been ready to quit. Even with all my experience, I am still questioning my decision to continue because I worry that I'm somehow harming the baby. If I wasn't very well-read on breastfeeding, if I wasn't experienced, if I didn't have Le Leche League and a very supportive spouse, there is no way I would have continued. And yet all these people say they want me to breastfeed and say they are being supportive, even as they're giving me advise that if followed would essentially be weaning. I would rather them tell me flat out not to nurse and to just bottlefeed. But they would have to give reasons for that, and I suspect they don't have any good ones.

Obviously the baby's weight gain is first priority. But everyone's immediate advise has been to bottlefeed for an extended period of time while I pump- always with the bottle, and always offering the supplement and not the breast first. No one except LLL suggested pumping for supplementation (outside of the NICU which was ridiculous), and no one responded to our frequent requests for an SNS.

I have had a bad homebirth, and I am not pro-homebirth. (Why I am not is another post). But I am ready to never bring my baby in for another well-child visit again, and if I had not already had a bad homebirth, I would probably seriously be considering it for my next baby if God blesses us with another one. As it is, I will never deliver at this hospital again which puts me at a serious disadvantage for finding an OB next time. I really understand why people completely avoid medical and governmental professionals, especially people who are living attachment parenting, conservative Christian lifestyles. One of the reasons that I loved our pediatrician until this happened was because he was always fine with us homeschooling and never bugged us about discipline or potty training or any of that, which I know a lot of doctors think is their business for some reason. The lactation consultant calling the pedatrician behind my back, especially after I shared WHY we had contacted her and not our pediatrician and told her we would decide if we wanted to go back to him or not, really felt like a violation of privacy.

Right in the midst of all this came a book about Blessed Zelie Martin I had ordered. I've really been drawn to her lately in the last few weeks of the pregnancy and with all these nursing difficulties. She was unable to nurse many of her children and one of them was starved to death by the wet nurse she had to put her with! And yet she was submissive and resigned to the will of God. And in an age where even many "open to life" women struggle with society's negative attitude towards motherhood adn children, her deep love of maternity, especially considering how difficult it was for her, has been very inspiring.

Parenting and Homemaking with a chronic illness intro

2009-01-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

I decided to try to put some of my lessons learned over the last couple of years down in writing. Although I don't even remotely claim to have all this down, and although I've been blessed with a husband who does more then his fair share of work, hopefully I can encourage others who have a large(r) family and are dealing with a chronic illness. Here's the planned topics:

1. Breastfeeding with a chronic illness
2. Pregnancy with a chronic illness
3. Attachment parenting with a chronic illness- easier then you think!
4. Homemaking
5. Homeschooling- easier then you think part 2!
6. Discipline ideas
7. Openness to life and chronic illness

Epiphany!

2009-01-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

Here is an excellent Epiphany sermon to listen to, for those who cannot make it to Mass today. Be prepared to fast foward past about the first 1/3 of it, though, unless you want to hear why you need to sing along at High Mass. :)

On Castle of the Immaculate there are some great Epiphany ideas to do with your family. I particularly like the idea of the patron saints for the family. I picked up some random holy cards and tonight we'll "draw" our patron saint for the year. And at Domestic-Church.com, here are some recipes for Epiphany cake.

Memento Mori

2009-01-04T06:07:00.000-08:00

A relative of mine died on New Year's Day. Please pray for her.

It was a good, salutary lesson about death. My relative was a fallen-away Catholic. She was feeling fine, and then quickly she began to feel ill. When she went in she was found to have stage 4 pancratic cancer, which had already reached the brain.

I immediately felt I should share with her about coming back to the Faith. But almost immediately it became clear that she was not mentally capable of that kind of conversation, especially over the phone or through letters, which ours would have had to have been. Between the pain medications, the other medications, and the fact that the cancer had already reached the brain, even basic conversation was hard for her. She died without seeing a priest and to my knowledge, without returning to the faith.

The Church teaches that we don't know what happens in the moment of death and that subjectively we can not say whether person A or person B is saved. Person A may have lied in their Confession or only done so for appearance's sake and their seemingly perfect holy death may have been a sham. Person B may have made an act of perfect contrition after their ability to communicate to others ceased. But we can state objectively, based on what Christ has told us in Scripture and Tradition, that those who died outside of a state of grace are not saved, and that rejecting the faith puts you outside the state of grace.

St. Alphonsus Ligouri talks about how those who put off conversion are putting themselves in grave danger, because even if they have the time at the moment of death, the difficulty of taking advantage of the time you have left when you are confused, in pain, extremely fatigued, often sedated by various medications, as well as being faced with the attacks of the devil and your own fears and anxieties about your death.

We do not know when we are going to die. I could die before finishing this post.
To bet on time we may or may not have, when it comes to our eternal salvation, is simply folly.

In our society death often is followed by almost-instant canonization among those left behind- which is understandable- and it seems cruel to suggest the person may be in purgatory or even hell. I do not write this out of some hardheartedness, but only to share what God has brought home to me through this. Don't count on time you may not have. Time is a gift, not a right.

It also has shown me how I could be doing more to evangelize. I could have talked to my relative about the Catholic faith before this. But I didn't see her that much and so I didn't feel comfortable doing so. I let my own discomfort and my concern about "how it would look" to approach her about the faith when our contact was not highly regular (although highly positive when it was) keep me from doing my duty- and now it's too late.

In St. Therese's "Last Conversations" she says something to her cousin, Marie Guerin, about the value of time. Marie writes:

One day, she made me promise that I would be a saint; she was asking me if I were making any progress, and I answered: "I promise you that I'll be a saint when you have left for heaven; at that moment, I'll put my whole heart into it"
"Oh, don't wait for that! Begin now. The month which preceded my enterance into Carmel has remained for me a very sweet memory. At first, I said to myself: I'll be a saint when I'm in Carmel; while waiting, I won't put myself out. But God showed me the value of time, I did just the opposite of what I was thinking. I wanted to prepare myself for my entrance by being very faithful, and it's one of the most beautiful months of my life.
Believe me, don't wait until tomorrow to begin becoming a saint". (Last Conversations pg. 253)

Happy New Year and Happy Feast of the Circumcision!

2009-01-01T06:13:00.001-08:00

For more on this feast from Fisheaters:

The 1st day of January is the Octave Day of Christmas (i.e., from December 25 to January 1, inclusive, are 8 days).This is the Feast of the Circumcision, a day known in the Novus Ordo as "Mary, Mother of God"; either way, January 1 is a Holy Day of Obligation on which we must attend Mass. On this day, we recall Our Lord's submitting to the Mosaic Law by getting circumcised on the 8th day of His human life in obedience to the Law:

Genesis 17:10-12: This is my covenant which you shall observe between me and you, and thy seed after thee: All the male-kind of you shall be circumcised. And you shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin, that it may be for a sign of the covenant between me and you. An infant of eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every manchild in your generations: he that is born in the house, as well as the bought servant, shall be circumcised

Our Lord later fulfilled this part of Torah through the Sacrament of Baptism, an event which will be brought into focus on the Feast of the Epiphany in 5 days and again on the 13th of January at the Commemoration of the Baptism of Our Lord. His Circumcision, though, has another, deeper meaning in that it symbolizes and foreshadows the Blood He will shed for us on Calvary... Today, too, we honor the Holy Name of Jesus which was given to Him on this day. We celebrate His Holy Name more fully next Sunday (or tomorrow if the first Sunday of the year falls today, or on the 6th or the 7th).On this day, a plenary indulgence can be acquired, under the usual conditions, by reciting the Veni, Creator Spiritus (Come, Holy Spirit).

Why I've changed my blog- a little of my story

2008-12-30T21:07:00.001-08:00

I started blogging a few years ago, and my first blog was mostly about Catholic womanhood and some traditional Catholic apologetics. I was foolish and prideful enough to think I had "got it" on some level- probably why the blog never took off! An older friend of mine calls it "newbie know-it-alls" and to a certain extent that was true of me (some of it is just a melancholic/choleric with strong opinions and convictions).

Then my daughter got diagnosed with autism, I became ill both physically and mentally, I miscarried followed by a difficult pregnancy, followed by a tough postpartum where I finally got diagnosed with severe fibromyalgia and several other diagnoses followed, and another difficult pregnancy (well, they're all difficult, but they've became progressively more so) at 13 months postpartum, and we went through 2 years of off-and-on unemployment. These are just the high points- I'm excluding all the mini-crises. I became convinced that Catholic motherhood as a vocation was not for me, since I obviously couldn't do it like everyone else. I had forgotten that as long as I was still a mother and a Catholic my vocation was still Catholic womanhood, which included being a wife, a mother, and a homemaker. I had an idea of holiness that did not include the trials I was going through, because they made me too weak to "do" the way so many other women in person and online and in books seemed to do.

My focus became on my health and various issues surrounding health issues. This was in part due to both the severity of my illnesses and the fight to get adequate pain management and other treatments. I wanted to help other people going through this, and I also wanted to direct the loss and the anger I felt into something more constructive. This was and is a good goal, and something I do believe God wants me involved in at least for the time being. But I forgot that it came secondary. My Catholic faith came first, and as part of that, the vocation and daily duties God had called me to.

Into these periods of near despair, God gave me many gifts, many lessons, but St. Therese and Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence really brought light to me in a way I had never seen before. I saw that true love of God, true service of God, true holiness, simply consisted of trustfully abandoning yourself to God's Will, joyfully desiring His Will (and by joy, I do not mean felt joy), and seeing God's Will in your daily duties- including your limitations in your daily duties.

This last one was hard for me. How can I both be called to this incredible vocation of Catholic mothering- and since God gave me these children obviously He wants me to mother them- and yet find so much of it physically impossible? But my very anxiety showed my focus was misplaced.

"3. IN THE CARES AND DIFFICULTIES OF FAMILY LIFE
If you are the father or mother of a family, you ought to conform your will to God's with regard to the number or sex of the children He pleases to give you. When men were animated by the spirit of faith they regarded a large family as a gift of God and a blessing from heaven, and considered God more than themselves as the father of their children. But now that faith has weakened and people live isolated from God, or if they think of Him at all it is mostly to fear Him and hardly ever to have trust in His providence, they are reduced to bearing the burden of their families alone. And as a man's resources, however ample and assured they may seem, are always limited and uncertain, even those who are most favored by fortune view with dismay an increase in their family. They regard it as a kind of disaster which fills them with apprehension, an endless source of worry to poison their existence. How different it would be if we realized God's paternal treatment of those who submit to Him with filial trust! If we did so we should realize also what St. Paul meant when he said that God is able to make all grace abound in you, so that always having ample means, you may abound in every good work.1
To obtain the help of Providence it should be your aim to cooperate, as it were, with the Fatherhood of God and bring up your children as He would wish them brought up, especially by showing them good example. Have the courage to lay aside all other ambition and let this be the only object of your care and desire. Then, whatever the number of your children, you can rest assured that their heavenly Father will provide for them. He will watch over them and dispose all things for their happiness and welfare, and the more unreservedly you entrust their future to His hands, the greater will be His loving care for them.
Avoid worrying, then, about anything else for your children except whatever may contribute to bringing them up virtuously. For the rest... having entrusted them to God try to see what His will for them is, to help them along the path in life He has chosen for them. Never be afraid of relying too much on Him, but rather seek always to increase your trust more and more, for this is the most pleasing homage you can pay Him and it will be the measure of the graces you will receive. Little or much will be given you according as you have expected little or much."

If that had been my sole worry, and not how we looked in Mass or if I was keeping to some schedule or how my figure looked after my children, my heart would have been at peace, because my disabilities and my daughter's disabilities and our finances do not keep me from bringing them up in the way of the Lord. In fact, these trials in our lives can teach my children, be a blessing, give them opportunities to learn about sacrifice, openness to life, compassion, love, charity. I have seen these fruits in my children, and I am humbly grateful.

In the same book, St. Claude de la Colombiere says

"What profit can come to me from this illness which ties me down and obliges me to give up all the good I was doing, you may ask. What advantage can I expect from this ruin of my life which leaves me desperate and hopeless? It is true that sudden great misfortune at the moment it comes may appear to overwhelm you and not allow you the opportunity there and then of profiting by it. But wait a while and you will see that by it God is preparing you to receive the greatest marks of His favor. But for this accident you would not have perhaps become less good than you are, but you would not have become holy. Isn't it true that since you have been trying to lead a good Christian life there has been something you have been unwilling to surrender to God? Some worldly ambition, some pride in your attainments, some indulgence of the body, some blameworthy habit, some company that is the occasion of sin for you? It was only this final step that prevented you from attaining the perfect freedom of the love of God. It wasn't really very much, but you could not bring yourself to make this last sacrifice. It wasn't very much, but there is nothing harder for a Christian than to break the last tie that binds him to the world or to his own self. He knows he ought to do it, and until he does it there is something wrong with his life. But the very thought of the remedy terrifies him, for the malady has taken such a hold on him that it cannot be cured without the help of a serious and painful operation. So it was necessary to take you unawares, to cut deep into the flesh with skilful hand when you were least expecting it and remove the ulcer concealed within, or otherwise you would never be well. The misfortune which has befallen you will soon do what all your exercises of piety would never have been able to do."

I'd like to say that the operation was successful! However, some of the difficulties with this birth and postpartum (a short NICU stay due to blood sugar issues, probably due to undiagnosed gestational diabetes, and then some nursing difficulties) made me realize how much I am still attached to my own will, my own idea of how things should be, my whole desire to "be like everyone else", to be normal, to not be willing to accept what God has given our family.

But Phillip's birth gave me back a love for my vocation, for being a Catholic mom. He even gave me back the desire for more children- something I thought I could never feel again. I got one day to enjoy the surprise of the two pink lines before I found myself in the ER, desperately ill. No part of the pregnancy ran smooth as far as my health, very few moments of it were enjoyable. I had begun to wonder how I would feel about the baby once he came. I was terrified about birth defects, despite the ultrasound. I detested how I looked. And then when he had to go to the NICU instead of being with me, when I got him for one sweet hour before they took him away for 40 hours ( I could come down and hold and try to nurse him, but it wasn't the same as the heavenly time I have had with my previous babies postpartum with just me, my husband and the new little one in our room. Plus we had a couple of nurses who made the time down there a battle), I felt as though it was just a continuation of how lousy the whole thing had been. I had felt so much love for him though, and when I got him back in my arms, and especially once I got him out of there, I felt my heart open up, not only to him, but to motherhood once again.

So that's why I'm changing my blog back to one focusing more on the Catholic vocation of homemaking. Although I still intend to write about issues relating to the particular health issues I have, pain management, and health care, my main focus is going back to my faith and my family, because that is where it needs to be.

Merry Christmas and Phillip's baptism

2008-12-22T06:22:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone!!

Phillip's baptism took place on December 21, 2008- which I remembered later was my Confirmation saint's feast day (St. Thomas the Apostle)! It was beautiful- it seems like each baby the baptism means more and more. Because of the rough start with this little one (more on that later), it even meant more so.

After the baptism- me and the four other monkeys. No, I'm not still pregnant. :)

None of the attempts at group pictures came out remarkably well. But I look the best in this one!

The baptism

The exorcism at the beginning of the baptism (not the same kind of exorcism that is a separate rite- for the full Traditional Latin Rite of baptism and an explanation of the ceremonies and prayers, go here)

Before the baptism, in his gown

Phillip Alexander is here!

2008-12-16T15:47:00.001-08:00

Phillip Alexander

December 13, 2008

4:15 pm

9 lbs., 5.8 ozs

22 inches long

Pregnancy and fibromyalgia

2008-09-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Many articles on pregnancy and fibromyalgia pretty much assume that all fibromyalgia patients will have a lessening of symptoms or total remission during pregnancy. This is very often not the case, as this article shows.

Fibromyalgia Increases Pain and Fatigue for Pregnant Women

LibrariesMedical News

Description: Pregnant women with fibromyalgia (FM) experience significant pain, fatigue and psychological stress, symptoms that are often misdiagnosed or under treated as a normal part of pregnancy, according to a pilot study by Karen M. Schaefer, D.N.Sc., R.N., assistant professor of nursing at Temple University's College of Health Professions.

Newswise — Pregnant women with fibromyalgia (FM) experience significant pain, fatigue and psychological stress, symptoms that are often misdiagnosed or under treated as a normal part of pregnancy, according to a pilot study by Karen M. Schaefer, D.N.Sc., R.N., assistant professor of nursing at Temple University's College of Health Professions.
Her research, the first to look at the impact of pregnancy on women with FM, will be presented this month at the 2006 Association of Women’s Health, Obstetrics and Neonatal Nurses’ convention in Baltimore, Md.
Fibromyalgia is a chronic condition commonly found in women that causes pain in the muscles and soft tissues of the body. Many sufferers get so fatigued that they become weak, and the condition, at its worst, can lead to disability.
“Until now there was only anecdotal evidence suggesting that women with FM had a rougher time during pregnancy,” said Schaefer. “This data is the first step toward gathering hard evidence of FM effects on this group and will hopefully help us identify ways to reduce the impact of fibromyalgia during pregnancy.”
For this study, Schaefer recruited both pregnant women with and without FM through an Internet announcement on a fibromyalgia website. Study subjects were between the ages of 29-31, in their third trimester, with no history of stillbirth and free of chronic illnesses other than FM.
The women were then mailed a questionnaire about fatigue, depression, pain and ability to function. A demographic form was also used to assess the number of painful areas in the body as well as age, marital status, education, hours slept and use of medication.
Schaefer’s results revealed that the pregnant women with fibromyalgia had a hard time functioning, felt more stiff and tired and experienced pain in more body areas than women without FM.
“Most women with FM have trouble getting this condition properly diagnosed let alone knowing where to turn for help once their condition is identified. We need to start looking at how FM affects all areas of these women’s lives and come up with ways to provide as much comfort and support as possible,” said Schaefer

Ultrasound pics!

2008-09-11T16:12:00.001-07:00

Baby Phillip at 21 weeks. Not a bad scan for black and whites. :)

What to avoid when trying CAM

2008-08-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

Shortly after posting the below post, I found this great article on CAM and CFIDS- What to AVOID when looking for alternative treatments.

I'm back

2008-08-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

20 weeks pregnant, or halfway through. Actually a little less because I'm very unlikely to go to a full 40 weeks. I had a big improvement in symptoms until I got in the second trimester, and although I'm still better then pre-pregnancy the pain and severe fatigue is definately back. When I went and saw the CFIDS specialist in the beginning of July I put my pain as a 2 or 3; I'd double that now.

I got my SSI approved! 2nd try- which was nice. It couldn't have came at a better time either. I'm so grateful; I know people who are a lot sicker then I am fight for a lot longer.

I've written a booklet on complementary and alternative methods (CAM) of medicine and Catholicism, at the request of some people who wanted to know more about connections between occultic and/or Eastern religions and CAM. It was very interesting. It is really a subject that needs a full length book (preferably by a traditional theologian to address the spiritual and moral problems this topic brings up), because the vast majority of those methods originated in either Chinese or Hindu medicine. Even the ones that don't directly link their history to those two draw very heavily from those sources.

I've always been somewhat skeptical of CAM. My general idea on the issue was that they are very good for preventative measures and for dealing with minor health issues or improving general health. I prefer things that have some evidence behind them other then anticdotal. And having been a neo-pagan, I knew that a lot of them were at least influenced by occultic/Eastern religions. Even with that skeptical viewpoint, I was still surprised by what I found.

Not only did I find the connection between the two was much stronger then I had even thought, I realized how little good-quality evidence there is for so many treatments. Quite a few of them are nothing more then a form of fraud. You hear so much about CAM these days, especially when you have a chronic illness. Some doctors require you to participate in a certain amount of CAM to recieve pain medications. Many national organizations that deal with chronic pain and illness recommend these methods without discussing possible issues and contraindications with the treatments. There is a subtle, underlying view in far too many places that you are somehow a better person if you play the stoic, stick to ibuprophen and yoga, and stay suspicious of medicine. People who wish to stick to more conventional remedies are often openly considered "pill-poppers" or people who are not being "proactive and taking responsibility for their own health". This is really true where the illness is not considered degenerative or progressive. If you won't die and you will not get worse in the sense of having standard tests that come back showing degeneration, then your symptoms are somehow "less" or "not as bad".

Of course, on some level we all use CAM. I don't know anyone who doesn't take a hot bath or use ice at times to help with pain, or who hasn't at least tried supplementation, or who has never prayed for their health or used deep breathing to try to relax. I've used saline nasal rinses for sinus and allergy problems, stretched, used Epsom salts (my favorite bath product is Batherapy Lavendar mineral bath), used heating pads and mattress warmers, used braces and special pillows, used generic relaxation techniques and of course, prayer. I take a prenatal vitamin, Vit. D, calcium/magnesium supplement, and iron when I remember.

What I'm against is doctors recommending acupuncture when they should be writing a prescription or referring to a PT or a specialist. I'm against trying one or two medicines and then saying that all that's left is lifestyle changes (in other words, things the doctor does not have to monitor or provide). I'm against CAM being recommended or forced on a person with no concern about their religious beliefs, finances, or comfort when so many of the treatments have questionable value and no accountability or consumer protection. I suspect that if herbs and homeopathic remedies had to go through even half of what most OTC medicines have to go through the market would shrink drastically.

Pregnancy and fibromyalgia

2008-04-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

The National Fibromyalgia Association has a few good articles on pregnancy and fibromyalgia.
They also have an article you can request called "The Blessed Event" which goes over the drugs used in fibromyalgia treatment and their safety during pregnancy.

Two pink lines!

2008-04-19T06:10:00.000-07:00

Just found out we're expecting #5 on Monday. My due date is Christmas of this year!

I'm posting this here to explain my off-and-on posting and also to bring attention to a condition that affects many pregnant women, hyperemesis, a severe form of the nausea and vomiting of early pregnancy. Due to insurance companies being cheap, doctors being undereduated on it, and an lack of appreciation for what the severity of it really does to the mom and to the baby, it is often very undertreated until it has reached crisis level. In my case this time it jumped right ahead to crisis level and didn't have time to be undertreated.

From the "Help Her" foundation:

Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:

loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
dehydration and production of ketones
nutritional deficiencies
metabolic imbalances
difficulty with daily activities

HG usually extends beyond the first trimester and may resolve by 21 weeks; however, it can last the entire pregnancy in less than half of these women. Complications of vomiting (e.g. gastric ulcers, esophageal bleeding, malnutrition, etc.) may also contribute to and worsen ongoing nausea.

There are numerous theories regarding the etiology of hyperemesis gravidarum. Unfortunately, HG is not fully understood and conclusive research on its potential cause is rare. New theories and findings emerge every year, substantiating that it is a complex physiological disease likely caused by multiple factors.

Diagnosis is usually made by measuring weight loss, checking for ketones, and assessing the overall condition of the mother. If she meets the standard criteria and is having difficulty performing her daily activities, medications and/or other treatments are typically offered.

Treating HG is very challenging and early intervention is critical. HG is a multifaceted disease that should be approached with a broad view of possible etiologies and complications. When treating mothers with HG, preventing and correcting nutritional deficiencies is a high priority to promote a healthy outcome for mother and child.

Most studies examining the risks and outcomes for a pregnant woman with nausea and vomiting in pregnancy find no detrimental effects long-term for milder cases. Those with more severe symptoms that lead to complications, severe weight loss, and/or prolonged nausea and vomiting are at greatest risk of adverse outcomes for both mother and child. The risk increases if medical intervention is inadequate or delayed.

The list of potential complications due to repeated vomiting or severe nausea is extensive, all of which may worsen symptoms. Common complications from nausea and vomiting include debilitating fatigue, gastric irritation, ketosis, and malnutrition. Aggressive care early in pregnancy is very important to prevent these and more life-threatening complications such as central pontine myolinolysis or Wernicke's encephalopathy. After pregnancy and in preparation of future ones, it is important to address any resulting physical and psychological complications.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum impacts societies, families and individuals. Recent, conservative estimations suggest HG costs nearly $200 million annually just for inpatient hospitalization. Considering many women are treated outside the hospital to save costs, the actual cost is likely many times greater. Beyond financial impact, many family relationships dissolve and future family plans are almost always limited. Women often lose their employment because of HG, and women are frequently undertreated and left feeling stigmatized by a disease erroneously presumed to be psychological.

Is fibromyalgia a psychological disease?

2008-03-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

The answer, of course, is no. In this article, "The Scientific Basis of Pain in Fibromyalgia" that theory is throughly discredited by Dr. Robert Bennett. This is a great article to print out for anyone, especially health professionals, who tries to say "It's in your head" as it has numerous references considering the shortness of the article.

Myths about ME/CFS

2008-02-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

9 Myths about ME/CFS

Myth 1: CFS is a disease defined just by a group of symptoms. There are no
objective abnormalities.

Many published studies report abnormalities of the central nervous system, autonomic
nervous system, and immune system in patients with CFS--abnormalities not present in
comparison groups who are healthy or have other fatiguing illnesses.

Schondorf R, Freeman R. The importance of orthostatic intolerance in the chronic fatigue syndrome.
Am J Med Sci 1999;317(2):117-123.
Scott LV, Medbak S, Dinan TG. Blunted adrenocorticotropin and cortisol responses to corticotropicreleasing
hormone stimulation in chronic fatigue syndrome. Acta Psychiatr Scand 1998;97:450-
457.
Patarca R, Klimas N, Sandler D, Garcia MV, Fletcher MA. Interindividual immune status variation
patterns in patients with chronic fatigue syndrome: association with gender and tumor necrosis
factor system. J of CFS 2(1):7-41, 1996.
Cannon JG, Angel JB, Abad LW, Vannier E, Mileno MD, Fagioli L, Wolff SM, Komaroff AL. Interleukin-
1 beta, interleukin-1 receptor antagonist, and soluble interleukin-1 receptor type II secretion in
chronic fatigue syndrome. Journal of Clinical Immunology 17(3):253-61, 1997.
De Meirleir, K., Bisbal, C., Campine, I., De Becker, P., Salehzada, T., Demettre, E., Lebleu, B.
(2000). A 37 kDa 2-5A binding protein as a potential biochemical marker for chronic fatigue
syndrome. The American Journal of Medicine, 108, 99-105
Natelson, B.H., Weaver, S.A., Tseng, C-L., & Ottenweller, J.E. (2005). Spinal fluid abnormalities in
patients with chronic fatigue syndrome. Clinical and Diagnostic Laboratory Immunology, 12, 52-55.
Lange, G., Steffner, J., Cook, D.B., Bly, B.M., Christodoulou, C., Liu, W.C., Deluca, J., & Natelson, B.H.
(2005). Objective evidence of cognitive complaints in chronic fatigue syndrome: A BOLD fMRI
study of verbal working memory. Neuroimage, 26(2), 513-524.
Hanson, S.J., Gause, W., & Natelson, B. (2001). Detection of immunologically significant factors
for chronic fatigue syndrome using neural-network classifiers. Clinical and Diagnostic
Laboratory Immunology, 8, 658-662.
Peckerman, A., LaManca, J.J., Dahl, K.A., Chemitiganti, R, Qureishi, B. Natelson, B.H.
(2003). Abnormal impedance cardiography predicts symptom severity in chronic fatigue
syndrome. The American Journal of the Medical Sciences, 2003, 326(2), 55-60.
Jason, L.A., Corradi, K., Torres-Harding, S., Taylor, R.R., & King, C. (2005). Chronic fatigue syndrome:
The need for subtypes. Neuropsychology Review, 15, 29-58.

Myth 2: People with CFS who think they are suffering from a physical illness have a
worse prognosis, which just goes to show that it is their perception of a physical
cause for their illness that is keeping them from functioning normally.
It is more likely that people who think they are suffering from a physical illness have a
worse prognosis because they are correct in recognizing that they have a physical illness,
one that doctors do not yet have effective treatments for.

Jason, L.A., Fennell, P., Taylor, R.R. (Editors)(2003). Handbook of chronic fatigue syndrome. New
York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Myth 3: Whenever one research group finds a biological abnormality in patients
with CFS, another research group can't find it.
With research on virtually all illnesses, there are always some reports in the research
literature that conflict. The question with CFS or any illness is: Counting all of the
published reports, and the numbers of patients in all of these reports, do the great
majority of reports involving the great majority of patients find objective biological
abnormalities? The answer for CFS, with regard to studies of the nervous system and
immune system, is yes.

Komaroff, A.L. (2000). The biology of chronic fatigue syndrome. American Journal of Medicine,
108, 169-171.
Evengard, B., Schacterle, R.S., & Komaroff, A.L. (1999). Chronic fatigue syndrome: New insights
and old ignorance. Journal of Internal Medicine, 246, 455-469.

Myth 4: CFS only affects white and higher income individuals, and is a relatively
rare disorder.
Recent evidence from community prevalence studies indicates that CFS is not a YUPPIE
disease, and in fact, it occurs more often among Latino and African-American minority
groups and those with lower incomes. CFS affects from 800,000 to one million
individuals in the US, and thus represents one of the more common chronic health
conditions.

Reyes, M., Nisenbaum, R., Hoaglin, D.C., Unger, E.R., Emmons, C., Randall, B., Stewart, G.,
Abbey, S., Jones, J. F., Gantz, N., Minden, S., & Reeves, W.C. (2003) Prevalence and
incidence of chronic fatigue syndrome in Wichita, Kansas. Archives of Internal Medicine,
163, 1530-1536.
Jason, L.A., Richman, J.A., Rademaker, A.W., Jordan, K.M., Plioplys, A.V., Taylor, R., McCready,
W., Huang, C., & Plioplys, S. (1999). A community-based study of chronic fatigue
syndrome. Archives of Internal Medicine. 159, 2129-2137.

Myth 5: Cognitive behavior therapy interventions can cure CFS.
Cognitive behavior therapy is widely used to help people cope with chronic illnesses,
both “physical” illnesses and psychological illnesses. While these types of psychological
interventions can help patients with CFS cope better with their symptoms and deal with
the consequences of having a chronic health problem, these types of intervention do not
cure the illness.

Van Hoof, E. (2004). Cognitive behavioral therapy as cure-all for CFS. Journal of Chronic Fatigue
Syndrome, 11, 43-47.

Myth 6: Patients with CFS are either lazy or malingering.
There is no truth to this statement, and many patients with this condition would like
nothing better than to have their old lifestyle back. They are very motivated and often go
to many physicians to find a way of getting better.

Friedberg, F., & Jason, L.A. (1998). Understanding chronic fatigue syndrome: An empirical guide
to assessment and treatment. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.

Myth 7: All cases of CFS are caused by the Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV).

These are common misconceptions among primary care providers. The onset of CFS is
sometimes but not always linked with the recent presence of an infection. CFS has been
reported as following acute mononucleosis (a viral infection like EBV), Lyme disease (a
bacterial infection) and Q fever (an infection with a different type of infectious agent).

Komaroff, A.L. (2000b). The physical basis of CFS. The CFIDS Research Review, 1(2), 1-3, 11.

Myth 8: Patients with CFS can be cured by exercise.
It is a myth that patients with CFS can be cured by exercise, but it is also a myth that no
one with CFS can ever benefit from some physical activity. For some patients, a
carefully monitored program incorporating paced and non-fatiguing activity can be used
to strengthen and condition muscles. But it is worth noting that Black, O’Connor, and
McCully (2005) recently found that with an average 28% increase over baseline levels of
daily physical activity over for a four week period, patients with CFS indicated they had
worsening overall mood, muscle pain intensity and time spent each day with fatigue.

Black, C.D., O’Connor, P.J., & McCully, K.K. (2005). Increased daily physical activity and fatigue
symptoms in chronic fatigue syndrome. Dynamic Medicine, 4:3 (doi:10;1186/1476-5918-4-
3.
Edmonds, M., McGuire, H., & Price, J. (2004). Exercise therapy for chronic fatigue syndrome. The
Cochrane Library, Issue 3, 1-22.

Myth 9: CFS is difficult to diagnose.
Actually it is pretty straightforward to diagnose when familiar with the case definition. It
is, however, important to determine whether the Fukuda et al. (1994) or the Canadian
case definition of ME/CFS is being used (Caruthers et al., 2003).

Fukuda, K., Straus, S.E., Hickie, I., Sharpe, M.C., Dobbins, J.G., & Komaroff, A. (1994). The
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: A comprehensive approach to its definition and study. Annals of
Internal Medicine, 121, 953-959.
Carruthers, B.M., Jain, A.K., DeMeirleir, K.L., Peterson, D.L., Klimas, N.G., Lerner,
A.M., Bested, A.C., Flor-Henry, P., Joshi, P., Powles, A.C.P., Sherkey, J.A., &
van de Sande, M.I. (2003). Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue
syndrome: Clinical working case definition, diagnostic and treatments protocols.
Journal of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, 11, 7-115.

___________________________________________________

This last point bears commenting on. The two criteria are drastically different in a very important area: what they exclude. The Fuduka criteria excludes, among many things, psychiatric disorders. Untreated psychatric disorders should be ruled out (hypersomnia being an emergency level psych symptom) but if the patient is relatively stable and medications have been ruled out as a cause of excessive fatigue, to rule out psych disorders is discrimination.

Fatigue

2008-02-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

Mastering the Impact of Fatigue in Rheumatoid Arthritis

Summary of a presentation at the Living with RA Workshop at HSS

Note: Although this talk was presented in a workshop on rheumatoid arthritis, its message applies to people with many types of systemic rheumatic disease, including lupus (SLE), fibromyalgia, scleroderma, and others.

Most people think of arthritis as just pain, stiffness, and achiness in one or more joints and having difficulty with activity related to those joints, because that's what osteoarthritis (the most common type of arthritis) is all about. It's a localized condition in the joints.

But there are more than 100 different forms of arthritis, and rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is the most common form of systemic arthritis. Systemic means it's not localized but affects your entire body. Although the most common symptoms of RA are joint pain, swelling, stiffness, warmth, and redness, there are many other things going on in the body that cause you not to feel well - and to suffer with fatigue.

What is fatigue in rheumatoid arthritis?

It's easier for people to think of joints as causing problems than to think of fatigue and the other intangible things that give RA patients trouble. That's because fatigue is not something you can put your finger on. It's a sense that you're not feeling up to par, that you're slowing down. Nothing else may be wrong that's obvious to you or your physician. You may or may not have joint pain or stiffness at that moment. But the fatigue is there.

Patients sometimes compare the fatigue of RA to recuperating from the flu - as if they're trying to keep up and can't do it. But that's not quite all of it. There's something more that's hard to define. The fatigue of having a systemic rheumatic disease is unique and can be very difficult for patients and those around them.

When people ask, "How are you?" and you say, "I'm fatigued," they ask, "What do you mean?" Well, it's not just being tired or feeling that you want to sit still. It's something deep inside that's slowing you down - maybe slowing your thinking or initiative. It's something telling you that you don't feel quite right.

Can RA fatigue be measured?

So far, no. It's an intangible symptom that, despite great effort, physicians have been unable to define nor measure. Nor can we determine its impact, which varies from patient to patient - and varies in its impact on any one patient over time. But enough people have complained about fatigue over time that we know - and you know - it's real.

Why might RA patients have this fatigue?

Consider the rheumatoid factor and other antibodies found in people with RA. Those are not just found in joints. They are found in blood throughout your body. That's an indicator that something is awry throughout the body.

Why is fatigue so difficult to cope with?

It might be easier to have a disabling condition that happens and then is stable; it stays the same, and you develop coping mechanisms to deal with it because you know what to expect and people around you know what to expect.

But that's not the way RA works. Big fluctuations occur randomly. One day you feel fantastic and can do everything you and others expect of you. The next day you can't even get out of bed. And every time that happens, you have to reestablish your coping mechanisms - both functional (who will prepare the meals, take care of the family, etc.) and psychological (how do I get through this with my feelings intact).

It's often easier to get through those fluctuations when you can pinpoint the problem - "These knees are swollen and painful" - than when the problem is as intangible as fatigue, which can occur in the absence of physical symptoms. Fatigue can be "hard to believe," especially when you've been feeling so well just before it hits. So, all too often, because you can't "see" it, you belittle fatigue. "Is it that I did too much yesterday or didn't get enough sleep last night, or is it my disease acting up again? And if it is my disease, do I really want to acknowledge that? Can I ignore it, push it aside and just keep going?" And that's exactly what you sometimes do - push it aside in order to feel like the person you were before you got this disease. Acknowledging the fatigue, and responding to this intangible sign of disease, is difficult - but essential.

How can you master fatigue?

The key to living successfully with the fatigue of RA is developing strategies - physical/functional coping strategies, as well as psychological coping strategies

You have to acknowledge that fatigue exists and that it's something you can't necessarily control or predict. If you have to take time off just to feel better, that's okay - because anyone else experiencing this type of disease would expect to be allowed to do the same thing. So you have to allow yourself to feel this way. There's nothing wrong with saying that fatigue is having an impact on you - that even though you are not in pain, your disease is still dragging you down and you're not feeling well.
You have to acknowledge that fatigue won't necessarily be easily understood by people around you, because you don't have obvious physical symptoms. When it's "just" fatigue, it's tough for others to understand, and you may not even want to tell them. You may fear that they will think you're lazy because they don't see anything wrong with you. You have to be prepared for responses like, "I'm tired too." And you need to think about and decide what your own level of comfort is in responding to such comments - whether or not you want to share with them the details of your systemic disease and why your fatigue is so different from their tiredness.
You have to remember that fatigue creates a feedback loop: when you're fatigued and can't keep up, you may get frustrated and angry, especially if you don't acknowledge your fatigue. So people around you may respond both to your physical slowness and - or - your emotional reactions to your fatigue. That's one of the ways your fatigue may cause problems with social and work relationships. And those problems may include very close family members who supposedly know what RA is and what it means. Indeed, conflicts may be more apt to arise when you don't give in to fatigue and admit that you don't feel well. So it may be better to be open with yourself and those around you and simply say, "I have to bow out of this social engagement" or "I can only stay for a limited period of time" because "It's important that I rest and take care of myself."
You have to learn to find balance and compromise, which may lead to opportunities you had not considered. The art of mastery for living with a chronic disease is compromise. But it's important to remember that you are not alone in that, although your challenges are greater. Life involves compromise for everyone. Fatigue is one of the many things that you have to allow for as we seek balance, whether that's with work, school, or social relationships. Here are some important ways we can find balance and compromise.
- Adapt to your situation with appropriate changes. If fatigue is having too much of an impact on our work, we may have to change jobs or take time off. But if it's what you really want to do, you can often find ways around it. I've never met anyone who would say that the life they are living is the one they might have envisioned for themselves 10 or 20 years ago. If your RA is such that you can no longer figure skate, well, you can find new interests. There are always ways to adapt. Remember the old saying about "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Sometimes fatigue can even bring rewards when you search out new opportunities and learn to find joy in new things that you would have not have considered doing in the absence of RA - whether that's in your career or in hobbies.
- Give in to fatigue when necessary - so you can spring back. The only way you're going to be able to work and continue to be a productive member of society is to give in to fatigue. By giving in, I don't mean giving in to the disease. I mean periodically giving in to the fatigue - to rest and do whatever is necessary so that you can improve as quickly as possible and get back to your life and doing the other things that you enjoy. That's part of finding the balance, because one aspect of dealing with fatigue is maintaining your normal lifestyle in between the periods when you have fatigue.
- Work with your doctor to assure balance in medication benefits and side effects. Some of the medications you take (especially steroids) can cause a host of side effects, and fatigue is one of them. So both the disease and your drugs can affect your lives. It's important to maximize the benefits of your medications while minimizing their side effects. That's why, for example, folic acid is often prescribed for people taking methotrexate. This is a juggling act that you have to work out with your physician.
- Get enough sleep. Sleep disorders are very common among people with RA and other systemic rheumatic diseases, such as lupus. Often, sleep problems are due to discomfort or to medications such as steroids. Sometimes taking a drug to help induce sleep will improve fatigue and your overall sense of well being.
- Get help with depression. Are you depressed because you feel fatigued, or are you fatigued because you feel depressed? Or is it the whole gestalt of living with this unpredictable disease and the adjustments it requires? Don't get caught in this catch-22. Discuss it with your doctor. Sometimes, a low-dose antidepressant, given at night, can help sleep, ease the discomfort of fibromyalgia-like symptoms, break the vicious cycle, and have a positive impact on your sense of well-being.
- Exercise is essential. Keeping your muscles conditioned makes every activity easier and less tiring. And the endorphins generated by vigorous exercise - even brisk walking or, even better, exercise with light weights - can help reduce fatigue. Even when you feel awful, go through range of motion exercises every day. Don't do impact exercise when joints are inflamed, but continue with range of motion exercise. You can even do exercise while sitting in a chair. Exercise is something pro-active that you can do without someone else's help - to help yourself feel better physically and psychologically.
- Set up your home to make life easy for you. Start in the kitchen, keeping everything your use often within easy reach. Then do the same in your bathroom and bedroom. This may require major reorganizing. Don't set up for when you feel good; set up for the difficult times.
- Establish a work schedule that works for you. If you have morning stiffness, maybe it's better to start work later. You don't have to be like everybody else because there's no such thing as "everybody else" anymore. With computers and faxes, you can have a full-time job at home and only go to the office for special meetings. Today, you can tailor your work to your life - and you won't be alone in dong it.
- When traveling, plan ahead and anticipate. Travel can be tiring for anyone; when you have RA, it can be worse. If you're crossing time zones, ask your doctor and plan how you will have to change your medication schedule. Take a pillow for your neck to avoid stiffness. Know what little things will make it easier for you, whether that's a cold pack or a hot pack to toss in the airplane's microwave, so your RA won't have as much of an impact on you when you get to your destination.

About the Living with RA Workshop at HSS

Chronic pain harms the brain

2008-02-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

Chronic Pain harms the brain
by Northwestern University
ProHealthNetwork.com

02-08-2008

Feb 5 2008, CHICAGO - People with unrelenting pain don't only suffer from the non-stop sensation of throbbing pain. They also have trouble sleeping, are often depressed, anxious and even have difficulty making simple decisions.

“Stuck on Full Throttle”
In a new study, investigators at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine have identified a clue that may explain how suffering long-term pain could trigger these other pain-related symptoms.

Researchers found that in a healthy brain all the regions exist in a state of equilibrium. When one region is active, the others quiet down.

But in people with chronic pain, a front region of the cortex mostly associated with emotion "never shuts up," said Dante Chialvo http://www.chialvo.net/index.html, lead author and associate research professor of physiology at the Feinberg School. "The areas that are affected fail to deactivate when they should." They are stuck on full throttle, wearing out neurons and altering their connections to each other.

This is the first demonstration of brain disturbances in chronic pain patients not directly related to the sensation of pain. The study was published Feb. 6 in The Journal of Neuroscience. [See abstract - “Beyond Feeling: Chronic Pain Hurts the Brain, Disrupting the Default-Mode Network Dynamics.” ]

Chronic Low Back Pain vs. Pain Free Volunteers
Chialvo and colleagues used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to scan the brains of people with chronic low back pain and a group of pain-free volunteers while both groups were tracking a moving bar on a computer screen.

The study showed the pain sufferers performed the task well but "at the expense of using their brain differently than the pain-free group," Chialvo said.

When certain parts of the cortex were activated in the pain-free group, some others were deactivated, maintaining a cooperative equilibrium between the regions. This equilibrium also is known as the resting state network of the brain. In the chronic pain group, however, one of the nodes of this network did not quiet down as it did in the pain-free subjects.

This constant firing of neurons in these regions of the brain could cause permanent damage, Chialvo said. "We know when neurons fire too much they may change their connections with other neurons and or even die because they can't sustain high activity for so long," he explained.

"If you are a chronic pain patient, you have pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every minute of your life," Chialvo said. "That permanent perception of pain in your brain makes these areas in your brain continuously active. This continuous dysfunction in the equilibrium of the brain can change the wiring forever and could hurt the brain."

Chialvo hypothesized the subsequent changes in wiring "may make it harder for you to make a decision or be in a good mood to get up in the morning. It could be that pain produces depression and the other reported abnormalities because it disturbs the balance of the brain as a whole."

Study of New Pain Control Approaches "Essential"
He said his findings show it is essential to study new approaches to treat patients - not just to control their pain but also to evaluate and prevent the dysfunction that may be generated in the brain by the chronic pain.

* * * *

For more information, contact Dante R. Chialvo d-chialvo@northwestern.edu or Northwestern press representative Marla Paul Marla-Paul@northwestern.edu

Study on autism clears MMR

2008-02-08T06:11:00.000-08:00

Yet another study that debunks the autism/vaccine link. Many autism advocacy groups push the autism from vaccine theory almost to the exclusion of parents who don't believe in it- and they're probably going to come out saying "this study is flawed". Hopefully, though, some of the groups will honestly disclose this study and the many others that show the other side.

New study clears triple MMR vaccine of any link to autism

Tue Feb 5, 9:21 AM ET

A new study published on Tuesday dealt a fresh blow to accusations that a triple vaccine against measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) is linked to autism.

The investigation by British doctors comes nearly 10 years to the day since a paper, appearing in The Lancet, unleashed a health scare that prompted many parents to refuse the MMR jab for their children.

That paper has since been debunked by several other studies and was finally retracted by 10 of its 13 authors in 2004.

The new study is based on antibody tests on blood samples taken from 240 children aged between 10 and 12 in southern England.

It looked at 98 children with autism, and two comparison groups -- 52 children with special educational needs but no autism, and 90 children who were developing normally.

All of the children had been given the MMR vaccination, but not all had been given the two scheduled doses.

The researchers looked at three paths that have been suggested as the various links between MMR vaccine and autism -- evidence of persistent measles infection; an abnormal immune response; and an inflammatory bowel disorder called enterocolitis.

They found no association at all.

Other investigations into the MMR scare have similarly found no evidence to support a link.

Two of them have been large-scale population studies -- one among 31,000 children in Japan, and 28,000 children in Canada -- while one probe was conducted into a mercury-based chemical, thimerosal, used as a preservative in MMR vaccines but dropped in 1999.

Autism is a neuropsychiatric disorder that impairs a child's ability to communicate and interact with others.

The disorder appears to have been rising massively in developed countries for the past two decades, but experts are divided as to why this should be so.

Some say there may be an environmental cause. Others say that cases of autism are more likely to be detected and reported because the taboo surrounding this condition is receding, and in addition, the term may be used for more minor developmental problems.

The MMR scare was overwhelmingly centered on Britain, but also affected other countries to a lesser degree.

In some parts of Britain, the proportion of children getting the vaccination slumped to 60 percent, triggering outbreaks of measles that placed infants' lives at risk.

The original study was published in The Lancet on February 28 1998. In 2004, the British health journal distanced itself from the research and issued an apology about the scare.

The new paper appears in Archives of Disease in Childhood, published by the British Medical Association (BMA).

The poem "My song of today"

2008-01-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

The bolded part could be my theme; indeed the whole poem could. But I especially like the bolded part, it makes me think of the Sermon on the Mount

MY SONG OF TODAY.
1.

Oh! how I love Thee, Jesus! my soul aspires to Thee —

And yet for one day only my simple prayer I pray!

Come reign within my heart, smile tenderly on me,

To-day, dear Lord, to-day.
2.

But if I dare take thought of what the morrow brings —

That fills my fickle heart with dreary, dull dismay;

I crave, indeed, my God, trials and sufferings,

But only for to-day!

3.

O sweetest Star of heaven! O Virgin, spotless, blest,

Shining with Jesus’ light, guiding to Him my way!

O Mother! ‘neath thy veil let my tired spirit rest,

For this brief passing day!

4.

Soon shall I fly afar among the holy choirs,

Then shall be mine the joy that never knows decay;

And then my lips shall sing, to heaven’s angelic lyres,

The eternal, glad To-day!