Contemplation and motherhood

I haven't posted for a long time, I know. I haven't given up the computer for Lent, but we started going to daily Mass, which has been a wonderful grace and blessing for our family. But the time I formerly used for writing is the time I'm now using for Mass. Time much better spent, but as I'm up with a sick baby I thought it was a great time to update.

Phillip is 3 months old now...I can't believe it! He is just an adorable little guy, and so alert. He's got a nasty cold now that I pray doesn't go to his lungs, but other then that he is doing well.

My rheumatoid arthritis factor came back positive, the only thing that was keeping them from diagnosing me with RA, giving another condition to add to my list. I'm actually glad, because all the treatment I can't get for my fibromyalgia (which has been the more painful condition) will now be covered under the RA, such as seeing a rheumatologist and physical therapy, even though I am in no more pain then before. :) Actually, I think I've had it for two years- my sed rate has been elevated and the joint pain I've had is very typical of RA, but like my mom, who has a severe case, I don't swell much and I don't get red. She didn't even start swelling until the last five or so years, and she's had it most of my life.


Anyways, enough about boring stuff. Lately I've been really drawn to praying more, reading more about mental prayer and contemplation. I'm re-reading St. Theresa of Avila, and I'm actually understanding her for the first time! The other times, it's been like reading Latin- no, I know more Latin then I understood of her life. :)
On this great site that reprints Catholic pamphlets, I found "Mother and Mystic at home" about this mother who had ten children, and through her prayer journaling, had a deep contemplative life. It's beautiful, and such an inspiration. I used to prayer journal, and I need to get back to it. Not only does it help you focus when your mind is wandering, but it keeps a record of your spiritual life so you can see what resolutions you've made, what graces God has given you that you need to be grateful for, and what answers and lights you have recieved, so when you face a similar trial, you can look back on what God has given you in the past. I have this bad habit of throwing away journals when I fill them; I have this paranoia about me dying and people then reading my journal and thinking that I really did think all these bad things about them or I really was that miserable, since I tend to journal more in bad times than good. My last one I really wish I hadn't, because it contained my feelings and prayers after my "Act of Offering to Merciful Love" , my enrollment in the "Knights of the Cross", my parish mission resolutions- all sorts of stuff I now wish I could look back on. I've only kept one journal, and that is my record of the three or four days when I struggled with leaving Wicca and coming back to Christianity after my falling away. I'll write about that experience and post it on here at some point in the hopes that it will be useful to someone. God has truly exercised so much mercy in my behalf.